Roland 'Itiative is my buddy too

Alright it's admission time. Envision me standing before you, pulling out a metal folding chair. You cower in fear at the sight, but I mean you no harm. I unfold and deploy the chair, turning it around. I then sit backwards in the chair and rest my arms on top of the back. Just keepin' it real while I serve some fresh hot gonads. I mean donuts. 

copywrong 200G mandrew wussy

I think I might have said in my more serious old abandoned blag that I hate tumblr. This is no longer true. It's a great place for askblags and kids who think they are "hip" or "cute" to spam and repost pages upon pages of animated GIFs. At least they don't do it here or in Church. I still have one peeve with it: It was clearly tailored to people with faster than dial up internet connections. 

....what? 

Yeah that's right, I USE DIAL UP!

The Internet came from the phones, and I am proud to stay true to its roots with my lofty one window browsing style. Its almost like Stargate level technology mayne, got those unscheduled incoming wormholes dialing in all day, e'ery day.
"I took the initiative and created the Internet" -- Al Gore, famous polyphone technician.

An inspirational quote to be sure, except instead of creating the Internet, I've regained the lead in the blogging competition that is really only a competition for me with the other aimless bloggers.

Okay, I don't really use dial up, but right now my connection is so slow it might as well be. It took me like half an hour just to cobble together all the random ass pictures and stuff for this post. But the deed 'tis done, and so this post comes to a close. I bid thee farewell

.........

Do you hear that?
They say if you listen close enough, you can still hear the beeping of the modem tone to this very day.

............


beeeep

Mobile Pig Disgusting

"Mess with the best, die like the rest" -- Official motto of the United States Marine Corpse

"Kill or be killed" -- Killary Klinton, Kill la Kill (Venezuelan dub)

I sat there staring at a blank notepad file, trying to remember what I was going to type. Then it hit me- yeah, I was going to make this blog post! It's been so rong, er so long since my fountain of gospel last spouted the holy truth. I think I still beat aimless-sensei in the absence category, 20 days is far shorter than 3 months. Wait no, the last two posts...only a day apart! 
NOH! I HAVE BEEN DEFEATED! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Togetha we could rule this city, spidahman! But instead we shall fight to tha DETH! -- Ezreal

I was going up a cramped staircase when I passed this guy with what looked like brand new black and white high top sneakers. Wanting to seem young and hip, I was about to comment "Nice kicks, DUDE" when I noticed his headwear. Is that b- buh- beats audi- RICHFAG DETECTED

Beats Audio is the premier headset for people who enjoy spending hundreds of dollars on equipment that cost about 50 cents (see what I did there, hurhurhur) to mash together in a Chinatown tearshop.

I have to wonder who the artist was behind those Angel Lague advertisements that seem to be all over the internapz, er internet these days(Why server always down when they say?).  They must be feeling so proud of themselves right now. This is a prime example justifying my stern policy to never try out browser based games, they have a habit of excluding more than half of their target demographic in their marketing strategy. But I might make one small exception...

Sorry that wasn't actually it, I couldn't find that specific ad again. It was a fagbook ad about league of ogres or something really onion-y like that.

Ketchup is for plebeians

I was sitting at a table, minding my own business(srs bsns if u know wut I meen) when this man offensively barges in and asks, "Hi, is somebody- are you using this chair?"
To which I replied "Of course I am, I happen to be sitting in it at this very moment."
"No, I mean this one." He indicated the chair on the other side of the table.
"Yes, I'll be sitting in that one in a few minutes."
This confused him for the 10 seconds I needed to make- UGH THAT PILLAR LOOKS DISGUSTING

its certainly not made of trabaharis

Sorry I got distracted there. Anyways, I was drinking orange juice, but it usually reacts with my stomach acid to create a vile mixture that burns my mouth during spontaneous regurgitation actions, making me regret having such a good breakfast. Thus when I went to refill my cup I chose to have apple juice instead. 

Sometimes, you just have these moments in life, the ones you want to save, archive, commit to memory and cherish forever. I want to tell you about one I had just a few days ago. I was brushing my teeth, hopping around like a madman to take my mind off the facts that my bladder was full to bursting and the lack of a nearby restroom while half singing, half embarrassed-humming Space Jam Misery by Maroon Johnny.

Also, I have some great news: The Leaguemans nickname page is finally up! Well, hopefully it is by the time you read this. Which is probably several years after I wrote this. :(

PS. Trabaharis is an inside joke. If you're outside and want to be let in, too bad. Train's gone, Pool's closed, etc.

A new beginning

I think that garbage truck is stalking me, this is the second time today it's crossed my path.
They must think I'm about to create a giant mess or something. That's preposterous though, because I never make a mess. For now I've ducked into the "Arts and Sociology" temple, should be safe for- WAITAMINUTE. It's got stairs...but no elevators or ramps! 

 2/10 not wheelchair accessible

But it will suffice, as I don't need a wheelchair...yet...but if that garbage truck gets me I probably will need one, and then I won't be able appreciate all the fine arts and the fine sociology that goes on here. Well, I guess I don't do that anyway. Maybe I should start.
The thing is, I'm not actually in the fart church, I just said I was to throw off any garbage truck minions who might be reading this post. This is a public blog after all.

I've noticed that student desks gradually get smaller the higher up you get in this educational system. We started out with these big things with name tags, depressions to put writing utensils in, and a copious storage compartment underneath. Then, to make room for big hairy legs, the storage compartment went away, to be replaced by this under the seat grill apparatus that is really only used for storing feet during boring lectures. The chair became attached to the desk, reducing our freedom of movement. Finally, at this point it is just a chair with a slightly larger than average right armrest. 

AND NO LEFT ARMREST. I just had to swap rooms and chairs three times to find one that did. This is what I was talking about before with the furniture not supporting ambidex- never mind I'm not spelling that word wrong again. This shrinking of the desk size symbolizes the gradual degradation of the happiness of our childhood as we discover the harshness of...uh...Peebles brand corn meal cereal. That stuff is hard on the teeth.

Crap, I think I hear the truck's beeping nearby. Gotta run.

Chipper as always

You know, I really hate starting a new post and then just leaving it as a draft. But in this one particular case I believe it was necessary for both my own dignity and your sanity. I'll show you a small screenshot so you believe me.

Ah, that just piqued your curiosity didn't it. The real reason I'm not publishing this is because I'm too lazy to finish it and its over 5 months old or something. Have a chiptune.

2014 is here

Oh yeah, you know what that means! 

So, what does it mean? I uh....don't quite know myself.  

But here in America it is the eve of the time that we have to change calendars, and its a tradition for folks around these parts to watch the broadcast TV segment "New Year is a Dick" featuring some random unimportant people in New Zork. Which in my opinion could be more appropriately named as "Channel 4 pretends to be MTV for a few hours". Man you little kids probably don't even know what MTV is, but I do because I'm a big kid. Just kidding(ha), MTV stands for Mature Television and isn't something kids should know about. Obviously I won't be watching either of those, because watching TV is for noobs, real men drink tea and blog. Except for TeaV, I think that's alright.

The quintessential New Year's practice, of course, is to tell everyone what your "resolution" is. Personally, I want to try for 1080p, 1366x768 is decidedly non-standard and prevents me from viewing my forum in its full glory like people with a Lingonberry Blackintosh can. Oh yeah, I hope I get some PROMOTIONS! this year, if you know what I mean (because again, I don't and would like to know)

Cherk mer oert ern ferceberk!

 Alright, time to begin on my next photoshop project: Satanic McDonalds logo.

'Murry Gristmas chumps

"Sometimes the directions lie to you, because there is no cup to put your poop in even though the sign shows it"  -- me, today

It's the most wonderful time of the year, the time where we all give each other grief for being such douchebags, then hand out doucheboxes instead as if it would change anything. Or something like that. I know there are some other random holidays around this time too but they aren't as fun and disrespectful. But it is also another time, a time for peace, a time for war, and 
IT'S TIME TO B- B- B- B- B-B-B-B-BLOG!!!!!

Anyways, my family celebrated the X-mans day by going out to the Asian buffet with some family friends. That restaurant was very deceptive though, its name was "Tysons Buffet" so I thought it was going to be an American style place but it turns out it was named after the location Tyson, not the boxer Mike Tyson. That would have been much better. Oh yeah, X-mans, that reminds me of that time when I was doing the laundry, you know, that time.
Here's the actual track if you want to visualize that scene better/worse:
https://soundcloud.com/rail-1/magneto-theme

My stomach is relatively weak willed, after only 2 full plates I was forced to give up and spend the rest of the following hour or so picking at fried junk I was no longer interested in. The "Juicy Frog Legs!" were good, but I suspect most of the taste was from the MSG. It had bones, so it was essentially like eating a tiny chidsapvu20. Yeah that's right, a fishdurken. The tumultuous weight bearing down upon my bowels was ready to burst out at any time like the illegal Alien from the Eighth Passenger. Finally, I went to get my dessert plate. I stopped at a tray full of brown goop, with a plaque above it saying "chocolate pudding". I had an ominous premonition: something terrible was about to occur involving that goop. I looked around at the alternatives: "Mango Shrimp", "Sauteed Cantaloupe", and a yellow goop of the same consistency as the brown. Remembering that one of the family friends had partaken of it before, I resigned myself to taking a scoop of the "chocolate pudding". The semi-liquid mass quivered as I brought it to my plate, and in my gut I knew, that as soon as I dropped the glob- no, I can't let that happen, no it's gonna drop, I can't DOO EET, dietetic portalsNO IT DRO-
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

somebody get a fire distinguisher

Ah, what a fine day for studying in the library. But wait, is that....crunching I hear? That guy over there...is he EATING? In a library? Does he know the rules around here? Someone should really give him a stern talking-to.  He's even sitting at an angle so everyone can see he's not actually studying! He's playing some gol-darned video game, and all those clicks are even louder than the crunching! How can I concentrate with all the discomforting noise he's making? *sigh* kids these days...

This is what I imagine must be going through the mind of the older gentleman sitting not 2 desks to the right from me. I guess I'm really rattling his cage... aw nah, I did it again. Here comes nickzilla

you don't say

There appears to be a new Legend of Leagues champion hinted at being released soon, so I had an intelligent FACT-based discussion about it with my friend.

me: I think this guy might just be more generic than garen

friend: nah
He's asian so that makes him exotic and mysterious
And having a very dull swor
sword*

me: hey garen is asian too why do you think he builds youmuu's ghostblade

friend: no thats just the asianwannabe spirit of white bros

me: do you see his new squinty eyes in the splash art

friend: He tries really hard

Waiting

A few days I got my dad to try out that Southwest Mcwrap thing, as he was the last of the family to have not tasted it yet. Here are a few select quotes from him:

"Eh, it's just a little spicy"

"This is nothing"

"American food is so mild"

"Why are you sweating? I don't feel anything"

QQ I'm not a real man. Gotta build more spice resistance.

I did make it to Gold Tier a few days ago in LegendLeague so I'll be getting those great rewards in a few hours when the season ends. But then I lost the next 5 consecutive ranked matches, which kind of rattles my Cage because it could imply I don't really "belong" in gold. 

Wait, did I just say "rattles my Cage"? 

Crap. This is bad.  

Really bad.

It has been summoned. And It will demand sacrifice. You don't want to be there when that happens. And it will keep happening.

I'm warning you now, you better lock yo doors, batten down the hatches, Hide ya kids, Hide ya wives, hide ya husbands, cuz  LOOK OUT!

IT'S THE GHOST RIDER!

Man, this would have made a great halloween post but its 2 weeks late.

No Trap November

"That was the best oral I've ever had" --high school spanish teacher

QQ, I couldn't get to posting until after October was over. But now I am finally free! ...To write my NaNoWriMo novel. At least this time it's voluntary.

If you think you're better off after seeing a guy in his underwear with Jesus' face shooped on, well that's great, I didn't know my blog had gay christian readers. I'll try to cater to your interests more in the future. I bet the rest of you would really enjoy that. Don't deny it. "Search your feelings boy, for you know it to be true" -- Backstroke of the West

Oh right I took these video stills a while ago and completely forgot about them, here you go:

Teal'c already knows what's up. He IS a Private Eye after all.

Noh! Don't do it guise! Don't doo eet! You know what's going to happen if you facecheck that brush! No-

DEMACIAAA!!!!!!!

RIP old garen