Goat&CatScans: Retired Heroes Chapter 31

It's that time of year again. The time we all show off to our horse gods.

In case you were wondering about the massive delay, here's the long and short of it:

It's late September, and Mage volunteers to translate the next chapter as he wants to put a "sword meme" in at the end. The Cat and I are pleased that we can leave everything up to him and take it easy, because that always goes well.

Flash forward to the middle of October. The script has been 'almost done' for a while, but our shining star has been busy with work and then got sick a day or two later. I don't worry about it too much assuming it'll pick up at some point when he recovers.

Radio silence ensues as both of my translators are out of commission due to various obligations and the holiday season. This goes on until a couple days ago when I finally decide it's time to call in the Cat who finishes the script and pastes it in.  

Then I find out that pages 1 and 10 have this weird pixelated area at the bottom, and my initial suspicion is that the images got corrupted when someone downloaded them. I ping Wordy who mistakenly believes that the Cat is the one who's been acquiring raws this whole time despite us specifically having a discussion where we established that the boss-man on the Nekyou side is the one providing raws. That happened a while ago so I couldn't really expect her to remember, but I'm frustrated regardless. Finally I check out the raw site and find out the corruption is absolute: the original Chinese raws are pixelated. The Cat whips up some emergency Photoshop to make those parts slightly easier on the eyes, and that's what you'll see in this release.

I'm not blaming Mage for this, as I could have made this call much earlier and let you guys know what was going on. I also feel somewhat ashamed it took the negging of another scanlator to galvanize me into action.

Nevertheless, it's pretty amazing that G&C has made it this far, we passed the 1 year anniversary of our first chapter 2 months ago. We have about 5 chapters to go and I personally don't plan on stopping til we reach the finish line. Alright, enough of that, here's the goods.

Chapter 31: http://www.mediafire.com/file/q4iigamye9hll4t/Chapter_31.zip/file

The whole shebang: https://www.mediafire.com/folder/4o5obdo2l3198/Retired_Heroes_Translation_Project

Goat&CatScans: Megapause

Hey hey people, Cory in the House. No chapter sadly, just an announcement for transparency's sake. We've hit a bit of a roadblock, and for once it isn't due to being "busy".

a photograph of me expressing my frustration at the futility of capitalism

Around December of 2018 we discovered that Retired Heroes had moved to a different site, one where you have to pay per view. My first thought was "Dang, why didn't I think of that? I could be even richer* right now". The second was that we only managed to save high quality raws up until Chapter 24. Frankly I'm not sure how we managed to snag raws for four whole chapters after that, but it seems our luck has finally run out. Last time I checked the going rate is around $0.50 in US dollars per chapter.

Wait wait wait, I can already feel you taking your wallets out. We're not collecting taxes donations... yet. Apparently Nekyou has an 'acquisitions' team that can take care of things like this. We're currently waiting for them to ghost us.

*because as you know, unofficial scanlating already pays the big bucks. But where does all that money come from, you may ask? Who knows? It's one of life's great mysteries.

Dumblr: Day of Defeat

Hey, remember when I said Tumblr wasn't so bad? Yeah, that was a lie, I've been silently biding my time, waiting for this day to come, the day when that shit heap of a site finally self-destructs by alienating their own user base. For those of you who are out of the loop, Dumblr CEO "my name jeff" D'Onofrio (no relation to the actor Vincent D'Onofrio, I think) has decreed that on December 17th they will remove all the pron. That's right, all of it. Except for male nipples, because unlike female nipples they aren't "adult content". Yeah. Folks have already started crying about that, and you know what I would do in response to that, if I were Jeff? I would have banned male nipples too, just to be fair. ProZD sums it up pretty well in this video:

In all seriousness though male nipples is hardly the only issue dumblrites have with this ban, there's also some stuff about being able to express your sexuality and....the livelihood of internet sex workers? There's probably a lot of division over the latter I'd bet.

Perhaps you need a little context here: Tumblr's never done anything to me, I don't have a personal beef with it, just a professional one, mainly with their stupid CSS and site formatting. They force everyone's content into this tiny narrow column that doesn't stretch to fill my full screen window on PC, in addition to putting some extreme restrictions on image size and resolution, so anytime someone posts animated content it has to be split up into this whole sticker sheet full of 2 second GIFs in eye-blistering 140p quality. It's just a pain in the ass to read.

I also harbor some personal resentment towards their user base though, some of which are real special snowflakes about who or what they identify as*. Just don't even get me started on how they all put captions for their posts in the tag section, so that all the text has no spaces and is split up in weird places by goddamn hashtags. My one request for them is that if you say you're quitting, you better actually quit, which I know is going to be hard especially for those whose "genetics" prevent them from putting the fork down.

I don't think any of these effects will be absolute: There will be a few porn bots left that Tumblr's algorithms miss, and there will likely still be a sizable population using the site after this has all blown over, it's not going to die out completely. Realistically speaking I predict they'll only lose half of their community...

Overall though I'm getting a lot of schadenfreude from seeing them having a huge falling out on both sides: The snowflakes are getting butthurt and Dumblr is going to take a huge loss in traffic and revenue. Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.

Anyway, sorry for making you read this ramble instead of the next Retired Heroes chapter, that's probably coming out sometime this week. This is a little like when the WarOwl posted a video about the Diablo Immortal flop, even though he doesn't even play anything in the genre.

*I'm fully prepared to get into an argument over my opinions on LGBTQ+, SJWs, Otherkin, "headmates" and that kind of stuff, but chances are if you are even reading this blog in the first place you're probably cool in my book and not the kind of person I'm hating on. I'm a fairly tolerant person.

Rekt by ogredraft

 "In the middle of September/We'd still play out in the pain" --Nickelback

Ready for a good old fashioned LIFE PRO TIP? Me neither. Thus begins another lame crappy post about mundane happenstances.

For the kiddies who don't know, overdraft is a general term for when you try to withdraw or pay out more money than your bank account has. The bank will pay out the money anyway and give you a negative balance.

For corporations, this is a useful tactic that is done deliberately for investments and to jump-start ventures. 

For individuals, this is a terrible and costly mistake. 

You can probably guess which category I fall into.

I ordered something online a couple weeks ago, but le merchant was out of stock and so it was placed on backorder. I didn't realize that my account hadn't been charged (I assumed it was like a pre-order type thing) and proceeded to make additional purchases until my account was very nearly empty. As an ostensibly financially literate adult, I only keep as much as I need right at the moment in checking accounts and the rest in higher ROI securities, so this account stayed empty for the duration. Then just yesterday, the order went through and my body was not ready for the rustling that ensued:
SUNLIGHT YELLOW OVERDRAAAAAAAFT (fees)
My bank actually offers a free overdraft protection service, but I didn't sign up for it because I thought I was so smart. Welp.
 
I took a trip down memory lane to visit my old blog on WordPress, which only has like 5 posts so don't bother trying to find it. The content is kind of cringy but the format was actually cool, I really shouldn't have abandoned it. And so I'll be readopting this format for future posts. Look forward to it!

Until then, I'll continue wallowing in a pit of despair and self-loathing brought about by poor decision-making, and you can continue going about your own (likely more pleasant) mode of existence.

weylcome to weybtoon

A couple days ago (because I always take a few days to get around to writing this up) I had a dream in which I had traveled to this Egypt-like place with my dad and some other guys. This was probably not influenced by anything, especially not a particular work of fiction. It's useless to try and guess. Useless, useless, useless.

It was night time in a vast desert with various shiny buildings sparsely scattered around. We chose to go to this big, plain stone pyramid. There was a big square opening in the center, and we all walked in. It was unlit, there was something large writhing in the darkness, and I got an immense feeling of foreboding. I recalled my horror movie dream policy of "start running before bad things even happen" and immediately high tailed it out of there before people even started dying. I ran out into the desert and as usual my running was horrifically slow, as if I was exhausted. I'm surmising this is because I'm actually trying to run in my sleep and the bed is impeding my limbs.

Suddenly it was daytime, and all the townsfolk started panicking because a sandstorm was approaching on the horizon. I saw that huge cloud of dust with a scary face like on the cover of The Mummy movie, no not that one, I mean the 1999 version with Brendan Fraser (praised be his name).

I huddled in this small alcove in an alleyway, but its protection proved to be insufficient. The first wave of the storm hit, because this storm comes in waves. The experience was akin to being hit with Boomer bile in Left 4 Dead, except it was sand and my outer layers were being ground off. The wave passed, giving me a brief respite, but I knew I wasn't likely to survive the second wave, completely exposed as I was. Lord knows what the fifth wave would have done. Probably turn me into some lovesick little girl.

I decided to take shelter in this building that was like a fusion of a pharmacy and a government DMV type facility. The situation escalated when some rough looking folks came in looking for me, and I had to slip out again.

My recollection of what transpired after that is fuzzy but at some point I was walking around a Korean harbor at sunset looking for fountains and other perverted stuff.

Chicken noodle soup for the beard

In recent times it seems that it takes some sort of bodily ailment to get me to do one of these posts. Fortunately no such affliction plagues me at this time, if you discount some normal sleepiness and a recurring ache I get from flexing my right middle finger to scroll the mouse wheel. I hypothesize the latter may be due to a puncture wound from several weeks ago, but that was positively tiny and should have healed by now. I certainly don't feel the same pain in my index finger, which suffered the same injury. 

TRIGGER WARNING: POLITICS!

A couple days ago I dreamed that I had convinced Donald Trump to adopt me as his son, and was now set up to live the rest of my life in opulence and luxury. It was pretty cool, going into conference rooms and feeling all high class. But then the world turned into Minecraft and I  kept falling into these crummy dirt caves in the hills, which is pretty similar to what happens when I actually played Mein kraft.

My shorts are too short and my shirt is too long. Both are a pallid white, quite fitting for a "laundry day" outfit.

Let's discuss juice drink pouches. No, not juice boxes, but the squishy kind. These silvery beverage containers were first used (or at least codified in the public mindset) by Capri-Sun, and now also by Kool-Aid in their "Jammers" line. Oh yeah. They even use the same pointy yellow straws. Which brings us to the main topic: you ever notice how it's easier to take the straw out by pushing it down through the bottom of its wrapper, despite the fact that the pointy end is on top? After sacrificing half a box's worth of straws in my quest for truth I've found that this holds true even when it's upside down, ruling gravity out as a factor. So what's the cause behind this phenomenon?
It's all in the leverage. You see, the bottom half of the straw's wrapper is attached to its pouch via a weak chemical adhesive(aka glue) while the top half can move freely. This holds it in place so that when you push the straw down it'll punch through the wrapper's bottom and exit in one smooth motion. Contrast that to the "normie" method where you pull down the top so the pointy end pierces through and you have to pull the whole thing out.

I'm going through a sort of creative drought these days, it took me a week to accumulate all of this.

Snaaaaake

I was on my way home on the sidewalk yesterday, when suddenly I heard a strange rustling by my feet. No, it was not my jimmies like you might expect, nor was it a flying lawnmower or an amused gorilla. I looked down and there appeared to be nothing, but widening my search I saw a strangely curved brown branch just off the sidewalk.

I then realized the branch was actually a snake, lying very still besides its flickering tongue. I probably should have taken a picture or something, but it was Friday and I was very done with life so I just kept walking.

The dull static of helpless sanity

It's ten in the morning, I have a skull splitting headache and fifty other things I ought to be doing right about now. A perfect recipe for b-b-b-b-blogging, in fact.

December is essentially halfway over now, and I've just realized there's about 7 days left until Christmas. You know what this means, right? I've survived more than two weeks of this forsaken month without being barraged by holiday jingles and other commercial crap!

"Oh, so you're one of THOSE people, the ones that can't appreciate holiday cheer" --you

I can only assume this is the German equivalent

Yo, like you can't just say that mayne. Check your privilege.

So the question that's been gripping my mind for the better half of this month has been the future direction of this blog: Do I continue being an edgy goofball, or start doing lame crappy serious posts?
Okay, I wasn't actually thinking about that the whole month, but the answer is quite clear.
Making goofy, meme-filled posts with witty remarks takes actual creative muscle and thought, whereas in lame crappy posts I am merely repeating the events of the day.
I've decided to do a little bit of both for this post, so here's the lame crappy part. storytime start!

A brief brush with mortality

This'll be a little divergence from my usual edgelord trollfest, as I feel I need to get this little story down before I forget.

I could have died last Sunday. Or, the Sunday before last. July 10th, 2016 to be exact.

Grumpy Monkey

Daylight Savings Time is an American core value, despite its peculiarities. The actual time period that we are in savings mode is more than half the year(8 months), so shouldn't it be called standard time and the rest of the year be called, I don't know, Daylight Not-Saving time? Daylight Wasting Time sounds like a great name to me but puts forth some unfortunate implications about the work ethics here in Eagleland.

Anyways, if you listen to the radio often, you may have noticed that announcers have coined the term "Grumpy Monday" to refer to today, as apparently many people have had their schedules thrown out of whack by the 1 hour adjustment making them very grumpy. This has almost meaningless to me. I'm grumpy on every Monday morning, and I don't schedule anything. It really has more to do with the lack of sleep for me, and the interrupted sleep cycles for everyone else. Learn2sleep plan schedule scrubs.

To continue on my serious streak, I think I'll tell you the story of how I came to Eagleland. Are you prepared for some serious drama? Well, here it is:

I was born here. The End. 

This post was originally supposed to be about something else, something I told a certain someone I'd do, but I'm too grumpy, so it'll have to wait. Maybe when I'm not grumpy I'll give you the non-serious version of my story. It'll have Tidus' laugh and everything.

don't touch sandvich

You know that feeling when you take a bite out of a big sandwich, like one of those high quality Subway things, and your teeth pull out the entire slab of meat or tomatoes? I really hate when that happens, it leaves the two pieces of bread an empty husk of what the sandwich used to be. It's a really terrible thing that shouldn't have to happen to anyone. Well, maybe my worst enemy. Serves them right for eating Safeway. 

How was I supposed to know seaweed eats babies?

But recently, I've been thinking about this phenomenon. Could it be that sandwiches are independent, living organisms? The meat/tomatoes falling out could be a survival mechanism, akin to an animal biting off its own limbs to escape a deadly trap. Except that we usually end up eating the rest of the sandwich anyway. It's just that it feels much more like a chore, an obligation that we must soldier through. Maybe in a couple hundred years we'll have stopped eating sandwiches outright because they take too much effort to enjoy properly.

Speaking of obligations, I started off this post about food because I went to a buffet again today. Now if you've read about my last buffet adventure this may be unsettling news to you. But don't worry, I won't be subjecting you to a vibrating ninja turtle this time.

Instead of an Asian style buffet, it was a "normal" buffet, about as normal as it gets here in Eagleland. I didn't have to make many difficult decisions about what animal's legs were the most delicious (obviously homo sapiens but not every place offers that). I managed to get in 4 full plates of stuff this time instead of the usual 2, but I suspect that was because the plates themselves were smaller. 

They must be self-conscious about all the fat people in this country to do that. Maybe they read that book, Baffleton's Chungergames(an important source of inspiration for this blog's underlying concepts) (just kidding there's no relation), where the main character girl got upset that people liked to take drugs and vomit while the other people were sad. 

I think they took the wrong moral from that story. The moral isn't that we should try not to steer society in a direction that would create that situation one day or anything like that. That's ridiculous. The moral is that when its party time(Wayne's World!), you'll give it THE BEST YOU'VE GOT. If that means vomiting, you puke it up to your stomach's delight! Don't let stuck up self proclaimed heroines (notice how heroine sounds like a popular drug) like the Rockinggay tell you how to have your fun!

Now, you may be wondering, what is my next post going to be about? Well, if you're reading this more than a week after I wrote this, you already know so I don't really have to tell you. But for you nostalgic fellows who enjoy living in the past, I'm just going to warn you now that its going to be a very significant break from the usual goofball dramatic tone in most of my posts. Maybe I'll even tell you the story of how I came to Eagleland. But no matter what is, you can be sure that it's more serious. OR IS IT???

Hmm, I still seemed to wolf down a lot more food than I did at the last buffet adventure. My stomach barely survived that ordeal. But it's alright, it's mind over matter, mind over matter, mastermind over dark matter. Besides, I learned an odd tidbit fact(doctors HATE him!) in health class or some nutrition website: Apparently the human digestive system has a significant degree of what I call "sensor lag", or "stomach lag". When you start eating something, it can take up to 15, 20, maybe even 30 minutes from the time you swallow before your stomach actually registers that food has entered your system. Going off that analogy of lag, it'll take the same amount of time after you've stopped eating for your stomach to register that its full, or more than full, or explodey levels of full. Wait, isn't that right about no-
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

The slumps of midweek

*lame crappy post alert, skip over this*

errrrgh...I'm feeling really tired. National Cosplay Day is next week here in 'murica, and I dunno if I should even do it. If I am going, I'd prefer to go as a hipster character/archetype, but I'm too lazy to make/order the costume and stuff. No, I don't mean dressing like a hipster, I mean something that's not the typical BedsheetPhantom/Toiletpapermummy/Uglyedwardcullen/Victor'sHulkPredecessor and the lot of them. 

Nanowrimo is next month though, and I'm definitely gonna doo eet. I'm still not sure what to do for my novel. I have some inklings of an idea but with most of my ideas, I can't see how to implement them with my limited shut-in level of worldly knowledge.

I got the Opera web browser a few days ago and am writing this post in it right now. The editor in Opera apparently doesn't support the font I normally use, substituting in this other hard to read font that is exacerbating my lack of humor. I'm actually just doing this to increase the post count for October before month's end. I don't think I'll ever manage to match that 16 posts per month reached in April unless I do the double posts, which would go against mah principles. MAH PRINCIPLES!!! But hey, at least I'm still here and haven't abandoned this dumb thing.

yeah, this is a relatively boring post with no pretty pictures, but don't say i didn't warn you beforehand. i warned you about the tiredness bro! i told u dog!

bonechin undulator

"I like that" -- spanish guy

That new post button is just too enticing, it makes me want to press it like 50 times. But then the post list would be cluttered with all these blank drafts, which is just unappealing to me.

So I was walking along, and as this guy passed by me, he whispered "I like the way your hair waves man" Yeah that's right, even the guys want me. U jelly ladies? Probably not.

One of my "friends" re-shared(which is similar to re-heating leftover thanksgiving fruitcake) this acronym, I'm So Meta Even This Acronym (ISMETA). Hur hur hur, that's adorable. But way below my level. What's really meta is if we take a look at what I'm doing now, which is typing up a post for this blog, and I just finished typing that  "What's really meta is if we take a look at what I'm doing now, which is typing up a post for this blog, and I just finished typing that "What's really meta is if we take a lookg at what I'm doing now, which is typing up a post for this blog, and I just finsipoposidypASDIUVPOZCX UOAIWUOPIZXUFOQWU9UOVCXU9848097T98W798237979^*(&^*#(^%*(^D(^)(&*XV(*NC89V&098714fIODYff9auvoixcvjo7)(*&(%*&E*)(^(*CYU*)(ZD^0974-0387T-98097DVHLCVJLKYe8976074985&*(^E(*UGOSDNFOERJ*(DJV(*&*(#^P(!_#%)$++)E&%#*(&D(*DSV&N*()&#)Q%*&#&(&EBFDNS(*&Rmj0948:9848FEF3BFF1604E024DC9AD15B57FD75F15600A39$(*#69836*(#^dx061~~``">><xznbvc&#%oiU

Weo Weo Weeaboos

Turtles count it off with this joke: Why did Dr. Sue rip Jimmy's head off?

She wanted to get ahead in life. 
Ba dum KCHHHHHHH (the sound of you dying)