Goat&CatScans: Retired Heroes Chapter 23

Man, this series sure is escalating quickly. I can't believe they're going to space already:

Electronic Arts spokesman reveals their company's plans for the future (2018, uncolorized)

Darn, I'm over an hour late to my (self-imposed) deadline. Ah well, at least I released the 23rd on the 23rd (of December). Happy Holidays!
Chapter 23: http://www.mediafire.com/file/fkhwo10qqs2cgop/Chapter_23.zip/file

woops, spoiler alert.

Everything but the kitchen sink: https://www.mediafire.com/folder/4o5obdo2l3198/Retired_Heroes_Translation_Project

Dumblr: Day of Defeat

Hey, remember when I said Tumblr wasn't so bad? Yeah, that was a lie, I've been silently biding my time, waiting for this day to come, the day when that shit heap of a site finally self-destructs by alienating their own user base. For those of you who are out of the loop, Dumblr CEO "my name jeff" D'Onofrio (no relation to the actor Vincent D'Onofrio, I think) has decreed that on December 17th they will remove all the pron. That's right, all of it. Except for male nipples, because unlike female nipples they aren't "adult content". Yeah. Folks have already started crying about that, and you know what I would do in response to that, if I were Jeff? I would have banned male nipples too, just to be fair. ProZD sums it up pretty well in this video:

In all seriousness though male nipples is hardly the only issue dumblrites have with this ban, there's also some stuff about being able to express your sexuality and....the livelihood of internet sex workers? There's probably a lot of division over the latter I'd bet.

Perhaps you need a little context here: Tumblr's never done anything to me, I don't have a personal beef with it, just a professional one, mainly with their stupid CSS and site formatting. They force everyone's content into this tiny narrow column that doesn't stretch to fill my full screen window on PC, in addition to putting some extreme restrictions on image size and resolution, so anytime someone posts animated content it has to be split up into this whole sticker sheet full of 2 second GIFs in eye-blistering 140p quality. It's just a pain in the ass to read.

I also harbor some personal resentment towards their user base though, some of which are real special snowflakes about who or what they identify as*. Just don't even get me started on how they all put captions for their posts in the tag section, so that all the text has no spaces and is split up in weird places by goddamn hashtags. My one request for them is that if you say you're quitting, you better actually quit, which I know is going to be hard especially for those whose "genetics" prevent them from putting the fork down.

I don't think any of these effects will be absolute: There will be a few porn bots left that Tumblr's algorithms miss, and there will likely still be a sizable population using the site after this has all blown over, it's not going to die out completely. Realistically speaking I predict they'll only lose half of their community...

Overall though I'm getting a lot of schadenfreude from seeing them having a huge falling out on both sides: The snowflakes are getting butthurt and Dumblr is going to take a huge loss in traffic and revenue. Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.

Anyway, sorry for making you read this ramble instead of the next Retired Heroes chapter, that's probably coming out sometime this week. This is a little like when the WarOwl posted a video about the Diablo Immortal flop, even though he doesn't even play anything in the genre.

*I'm fully prepared to get into an argument over my opinions on LGBTQ+, SJWs, Otherkin, "headmates" and that kind of stuff, but chances are if you are even reading this blog in the first place you're probably cool in my book and not the kind of person I'm hating on. I'm a fairly tolerant person.

Goat&CatScans: Retired Heroes Chapter 22

Damn, I've fallen off the wagon hard, we could have had this up 2 days ago. New cover page coming Soon (TM). This chapter got some good feels.

Tifa reveals her knowledge of Mr. Anders' secret.

 Chapter 22: http://www.mediafire.com/file/d7rynixhd6d90dq/Chapter_22.zip/file
All my friends: https://www.mediafire.com/folder/4o5obdo2l3198/Retired_Heroes_Translation_Project

Goat&CatScans: Retired Heroes Chapter 21

Man, traffic has largely died down since October. Nobody's coming here, not even to ask "ayo where the next chapter at". 

Poor solid snake. Truth is, the game was rigged from the start.

I kind of expected this though, and it means I don't have to worry as much about PR anymore (as if I did in the first place). Anyway, I forgot to mention we have a new and improved credits page, check it out:

It's at times like these, when I'm having perfectionist OCD fits about how the Goat and Cat just don't look right after flipping them horizontally despite them being MSPaint drawings and thus having a very feeble claim to looking "right", that I contemplate how my life has ended up at this point. But that's enough of my rambling, here's the prince that was promised.

Chapter 21: http://www.mediafire.com/file/l3t79vv9qeczz5s/Chapter_21_v2.zip/file
The entire equine: https://www.mediafire.com/folder/4o5obdo2l3198/Retired_Heroes_Translation_Project

Goat&CatScans: Retired Heroes Chapter 20

Lina's secret is revealed?!

Game over folks, the name of this series is actually "Retired Hero" according to the splash page at the end. I guess our lives were all a lie. Speaking of lies, we're not actually switching to higher quality raws until Chapter 21. And it turns out Nekyou has been squashing all of their 2 page spreads down so they're smaller than the regular pages. That's also something that won't be fixed until Chapter 21.

Anyway, there's some unlicensed fireworks being launched in this episode. Do you like fireworks? For that matter, do you ever feel, like a plastic bag...

Chapter 20: http://www.mediafire.com/file/20i7ez7w25n39cw/Chapter_20%25282%2529.zip/file

To the window!!!: https://www.mediafire.com/folder/4o5obdo2l3198/Retired_Heroes_Translation_Project

Goat&CatScans: Retired Heroes Chapter 19

I scream, you scream, we all scream at eye scream.

The new joint credits page (tentative)

Well here we are. The first chapter made under our new era of JOLLY CO-OPERATION with the feline folks of Nekyou. As you may notice, it's in 800p (width) which is barely above peasant quality. Fear not as this is only temporary, subsequent chapters will be released in their full HD glory! 

You may also notice there's no more slanted text. Unfortunately that's just how it's going to be from now on, so you'll have to get your neck exercise elsewhere.

By the way, in case you were wondering, the Fighter's Guild is always looking for new members. Er, I mean Goat&CatScans is. But I'm not gonna tell you how to apply. You'll just have to figure it out yourself. Also, we only accept cool people.

And his name is JOHN CENA!!!!

Chapter 19: http://www.mediafire.com/file/wjw44eec14m1wmb/Chapter_19_Translated.zip/file

The kitchen sink: https://www.mediafire.com/folder/4o5obdo2l3198/Retired_Heroes_Translation_Project
 

Goat&CatScans: The revolution will not be televised

Ladies, gentlemen, binaries and non-binaries, I bring potent portents from lands beyond.
There is no war outside our walls, and no competition to speak of. At least, not anymore.
For Goat&CatScans has made treaty with the bizarre race of catfolk that inhabit Nekyou, and a mutual understanding was achieved between us.
The scanlation of Retired Heroes will henceforth be a collaborative effort by members of both teams, and thus another compromise between quality and quantity, one that (((We))) have found satisfactory.

Additional details about this arrangement:

• No currency was exchanged, promised, or extorted as part of this agreement.
• We made this decision of our own free will, and not under duress, threat, or hypnosis of any kind.
• Please do not go looking for us or our families. We are all in safe place(s).
• Cats are cute, friendly, lovable animals, and every household should have one. For their own good.

The following video may help shed further light on the situation:

...Or it may not.

In other news: On Monday, I cut my left index finger on metal shelving earlier this week, creating a slice on the knuckle. It's scabbed over as of now. 
On Tuesday, I saw a rainbow in the evening sky around 5pm, framed by orange clouds lit by the sunset. It was short and completely vertical, going straight up.

Goat&CatScans: Retired Heroes Chapter 18 Omake

This was a long omake, basically as long as a normal chapter. Also, this is the Christmas episode, so we made it just in time to be 2 months early, just like all those department stores out there. Anyway, you're gonna like the way you look. I guarantee it.

Chapter 18 Omake: http://www.mediafire.com/file/k44998x8vs24372/Chapter_18_Omake_Translated.zip/file

Katamari Damacy: https://www.mediafire.com/folder/4o5obdo2l3198/Retired_Heroes_Translation_Project
Hickory dickory dock, the mouse went up the clock. Jill went down and broke his crown, and they don't stop coming.

Goat&CatScans: Retired Heroes Chapter 17

In which things get real deep. This'll be the first chapter we're releasing on parity, let's see what the people think.
Chapter 17: http://www.mediafire.com/file/jei896ale9m5x64/Chapter+17+Translated.zip

UNLIMITED POWAAAAAA

Find Polpo's hidden treasure!: https://www.mediafire.com/folder/4o5obdo2l3198/Retired_Heroes_Translation_Project

When I left you I was but the learner,

It seems like the tables have turned, and we're the quality scans now, if you believe the words of a few random Internet commenters on mangodex. I guess we're the ones who have been "sniped", so to speak.

"So that's how it feels" --buttman

I would say that on average, Nekyou's versions are still higher quality than ours despite our improvements. They redraw some of sound effects in English, don't slant their text at greatbad angles and have better font choices. 
As for the actual translation: When our word choice for a given speech bubble differs significantly I estimate there's a "70-30 split", as in 70% of the time their wording is better and the other 30% ours is better. Although within this recent 9 chapter train they've run on us the I would say the ratio has shifted to be more in our favor. Why am I so concerned about this, you may ask? Well, I'm not the translator in this group (that would be the Cat), so re-wording stuff to sound cooler is pretty much my entire job and I take a lot of pride in it.

Anyway, I think we have a good niche going here for a peaceful coexistence: Nekyou didn't bother to translate the omakes or the shitty MSPaint splashes at the ends of certain chapters. So the next time you see one of those it'll probably be us.

Chapter 17 is coming out maybe tomorrow, and we have decided to skip over Chapter 18 and start on 19 since Nekyou already did 18 pretty well. Although if you'd like for us to do it anyway please don't hesitate to reach out.

Goat&CatScans: Retired Heroes Chapter 16

Lots of family drama going on in this chapter. By the way, have you made a pledge this November? Maybe you have committed yourself to to heady task of writing a novel in NaNoWriMo, or perhaps you are merely abstaining from masturbation. Unfortunately, I have made no such promises.

 Chapter 16: http://www.mediafire.com/file/o4i1oovt51eioyy/Chapter_16_Translated.zip/file

The full Monty: https://www.mediafire.com/folder/4o5obdo2l3198/Retired_Heroes_Translation_Project

Goat&CatScans: Retired Heroes Chapter 15

There's just something about October that brings out the blogger in me. Well, it's over now, but we will continue regular updates. This chapter really brought out our...creative spirit.

It's an Angel?

Chapter 15: http://www.mediafire.com/file/5376v5qnui9d5q7/Chapter_15_Translated.zip/file 
Life, the universe, and everything: https://www.mediafire.com/folder/4o5obdo2l3198/Retired_Heroes_Translation_Project

Ron Paul activates his Noble Phantasm, the Sword of Promised Free Trade

Tanya: *teleports behind SoC-san* nothin' personnel, kidd....

Goat&CatScans: Retired Heroes Chapter 14

One last chapter before All Hallows Eve is upon us!

Chapter 14: http://www.mediafire.com/file/l02lc7ir9llvpyf/Chapter_14_Translated.zip/file 

Everything else: Mastercard https://www.mediafire.com/folder/4o5obdo2l3198/Retired_Heroes_Translation_Project

Goat&CatScans: Retired Heroes Chapter 13 + 12 omake

Pizza mozza-rella, pizza mozza-rella, rella rella rella rella rellah!~

MRW Lina says I'm not a noble

We are also releasing the Chapter 12 Omake along with this one for some reason.
Jeez, this chapter was such a cliffhanger!

Chapter 12 Omake: http://www.mediafire.com/file/3vbfuugcubpn4me/Chapter+12+Omake+Translated.zip
Chapter 13: http://www.mediafire.com/file/n8ygv2t68c8xunx/Chapter_13_Translated.zip

The whole nine yards: https://www.mediafire.com/folder/4o5obdo2l3198/Retired_Heroes_Translation_Project

Goat&CatScans: Retired Heroes Chapter 12

Still going at a breakneck pace. Hope your own necks are okay.

Y'all mind if I attain Instrumentality?

 Get chapter 12 here: http://www.mediafire.com/file/v77cp42t2z2awmn/Chapter+12+Translated.zip

All of our chapters: https://www.mediafire.com/folder/4o5obdo2l3198/Retired_Heroes_Translation_Project

Goat&CatScans: Retired Heroes Chapter 11 + omake

We're going full steam ahead on this despite the backlash. The entrance into scanlation brings really exciting and worrying days! 
Here's our new credits page after the name change:

As you can see we put a commensurate effort into it. Here's the obligatory preview.

There's no weird meme edit. Why would there be, when there wasn't last time?

You'll probably notice a sharp uptick in quality, as we're using the standard font now and I'm actually doing proofreading and rewording passes.

Oh, we also did the omake after Chapter 11. Man, whenever I see the term "omake" I think of Makefiles. It's the O-Make!

Getcher goods here: http://www.mediafire.com/file/z1ddf2tq88yc5op/Chapter+11+Translated.zip 
http://www.mediafire.com/file/tjyu74ozsc4677n/Chapter+11+Omake+Translated.zip

All chapters: https://www.mediafire.com/folder/4o5obdo2l3198/Retired_Heroes_Translation_Project

Now to see how long we go before some schmuck rips it to imgur and posts it on reddit again. I give it 24 hours tops.

The cat's out of the bag

It seems our recent debut onto the scanlation scene has stirred up a little bit of controversy, the proverbial hornet's nest, or wasp nest if you will. I kind of expected something like this to happen when we uploaded our first chapter to mangadex, which is why I was a bit apprehensive about doing so. But what's done is done, and frankly I'm surprised this blog hasn't absolutely blown up with comments yet.

Most of the complaints have to do with things I already lined out in my first blog post like font choice and slanting text, which everyone would have seen if they didn't just read the mangadex upload. We are actually taking a few of these concerns into consideration.

The one big issue is there's already a scanlation group by the name of Cat Scans. 

Yeah, we didn't do any basic research either. This was an honest mistake, we weren't trying to steal their name or anything.
Therefore as of today, we're changing our group's name to Goat&Cat Scans. It's a pain but it has to be done. 
Man, we're gonna need to get a new credits page and everything. Do you have any idea how expensive it is to commission MS Paint drawings?

Also, Chapter 10 is on mangadex now if you're into that sort of thing.

Goat&CatScans: Retired Heroes Chapter 10

It's frankly something of a miracle that I didn't make a random troll post before we finished the next chapter, but here we are. I think we're usually supposed to post a sample image of the scanlation here to give people a sneak preview, so here ya go:

Yeah yeah, I know that's just our credits page, that fooled exactly nobody. Let's just pretend that didn't happen and try this again:

Yes, those sound effects were already there, especially the one in color, why do you ask?

You can get chapter 10 here: http://www.mediafire.com/file/z4lvc5wb714bevr/Chapter+10+Translated.rar
The folder containing all of our chapters: https://www.mediafire.com/folder/4o5obdo2l3198/Retired_Heroes_Translation_Project

Goat&CatScans: Retired Heroes Chapter 9

Hey hey people, Cory in the house. I'm pleased to announce that One Winged Baphomet is now the official home of CatScans Translations, a new two man(for now) team hardly working on scanlating the text in your my favorite Chinese cartoons into the English language! 

Wow, franku!

But what is this 'scanlating', you may ask?
It is the great, nay, most noble and dignified task of taking a comic in one language and replacing all the text with that of another. I don't know what all those other guys do but we're using the tried and true "copy and paste" method. Here's a demonstration of this method(which I did not create):

We* pride ourselves on our quality, which sucks, and speed, which is low. There's no cleaning, so some of the original Chinese text will still be on there, and no typesetting, everything's in Arial for now.  Here are a couple of "legit" scanlator sites so you have a point of reference as to how ghetto this whole operation is:
http://www.world-three.org/
https://dropoutmanga.wordpress.com/

New chapters will be posted on a rolling basis, meaning whenever we feel like it. Here's a couple of our corporate slogans:

"No redraws, no redos, no regrets."

"Prolonged exposure may increase your risk of cancer."

There'll be big changes coming to this blog. Biiig changes. But first, a preface about our operations: Speech bubbles for Chinese cartoons often tend to be horizontally challenged, as in they are really tall and narrow so you can't fit a lot of English letters on each row of text resulting in every other word getting cut off halfway. We've discovered a revolutionary new technique that completely eliminates this problem: slanting the text at an angle. Think of it this way: now you can exercise your neck while reading!

For our debut scanlating endeavor, we're picking up "Retired Heroes" starting from Chapter 9, as the existing translation is only up to Chapter 8 and shows no signs of updating in the next year or so. Yeah, it's an actual Chinese comic, I wasn't making fun of anime this time.

The cover

Retired Heroes is a lovely, wholesome story about a hero who saved the kingdom and became king, but then for some reason retired to go raise his daughter in a countryside village. We've taken some liberties with some of the character names, deal with it.

You can get the release here now!: https://www.mediafire.com/folder/4o5obdo2l3198/Retired_Heroes_Translation_Project

Expect the banner image and general theme of this site to change Soon(tm), along with more chapters as they're translated. This will probably only last for like a few weeks but I'll be damned if it won't be a blast while it lasts.

*Yes, I am a contributing member. I definitely did not rope others into doing all the work.

Let me be your ruler

I've been splatting a seemingly endless horde of flies flocking to my screen. Again. Looking back it seems like this isn't the first time this has happened. That was more than a year ago, and I'm no longer as pissed off by it now. 

What's changed? My perspective, most likely. A few weeks earlier my home was plagued by a wasp infestation, which was far nastier. Yellow jackets have a loud buzz that makes them difficult to ignore, and can sting multiple times without dying like their friendlier bee brethren. 
That reminds me: I went to the dentist's office some time ago and was sitting underneath the wall-mounted TV in the waiting room. They usually play kid's movies since it's a dentistry for kids, which I still go to for some reason. Anyway, above me, I heard the DreamWorks Pictures jingle play. A tingle ran down my spine and I got all excited. Were they about to play that masterpiece of animated films, that green slime-filled sensation? Were they about to play....SHREK?!

"According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly..."

I instantly slumped down in my seat, all hope lost.
Yeah. It was Bee Movie.

I don't think I need to tell you what to think about Bee Movie. In fact, I'm not even going to dignify it with a pic-

Anyway, I got stung once on the toe and recovered in less than 2 days thanks to constant rinsing and proper care. Others were not so fortunate. While more hostile and durable than flies, wasps were much easier to hit, whether it be with newspaper, flyswatter, or nerf blaster. This infestation did prompt the purchase of a new, industrial strength "heavy duty" bug swatter made of vulcanized rubber and thick steel wire. The advertising blurb said it could be used as a backup paddle should you find yourself on a canoe in a raging river. I don't know about that, but its pretty durable. I'm not going to shill it further here but the brand name is "Enoz" if you're really interested.

Now that the cold snap has arrived, the wasps are likely gone for good. Now if only these flies shared the same vulnerability...

An Informative Dump

When you think about technology, what's the first thing that comes to your mind?
It's probably your phone, or your TV or something along those lines, isn't it?

But in reality the human race lives ensconced within a cradle of technology, very rarely interacting with anything that wasn't made or touched by human artifice. There are some banal necessities we take so much for granted that you may not even think of them as "technology". 

So where am I going with this? I'd like to draw your attention to one such necessity: 
No, not your oven. Not a lightbulb. Not even a fire, lit by a matchstick.

I am speaking, of course, of the humble toilet.

You probably could have guessed where this was going, if you noticed my use of "banal" and knew that the Spanish word for bathroom is "baño". 

When it comes to toilet technology, America is quite behind (hurhurhur) compared to the rest of the world. How could this be? And for that matter, who killed Hannibal?

Well for starters, the American/Western toilet is designed to be used while in an upright sitting posture. Whereas it's scientifically proven (science not included) that evacuating your bowels in a squatting position is not only hygienic but better for your health. You see, when you're in a squat, your alimentary canal is aligned to be straight and perfectly perpendicular to the ground allowing the easy, painless passage of any objects therein. Indeed, it is the more natural method of excretion, the way prehistoric humans performed their regular ablutions before the invention of toilets.

This is so obvious that I'm not even going to provide any credible source for these well substantiated facts. You'll just have to take my word for it.

Nowadays, companies like Squatty Potty are making cash hand over fist selling their glorified footstools to Ameriburgers, who would see it as a novel concept. But little do they know that in many parts of the world, including Asia and the Middle East have squat toilets as the norm!

Even within the western sphere America is pretty ass-backwards. We use toilet paper, which is not the worst but it could be better. But let's look at the crappier( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) methods first so Amerifats can feel good about themselves for a brief moment.

In India, you get some dirt/sand, possibly some water, and your hand. That's it. Most Indians designate the left hand as the "cleaning" hand, and using that hand for activities like eating or handshakes is....well, give it some thought. I don't know how left-handed folks get by over there. More luxurious toilets have "automated" cleaning...

Now, let's move on to the new, modern, [enlightened] method of cleansing one's perineum: the bidet! (pronounced "bid-ayyy" (lmao)) At it's core the device consists of a spout connected to the bathroom's plumbing that when activated fires a high powered water jet directly upwards or in the desired direction, allowing the user to hydraulically scour their anus to a sparkling finish without actually having to touch it. It comes in both standalone and integrated varieties, and Japan and some European countries have already adopted bathrooms with built in bidets.

I look forward to the technological singularity, where these two concepts will converge into a single, ultimate form: the squat bidet!
 
Credit goes to my (former) archrival in blogging for exposing me to the squat toilet info, you can check out his (defunct) blog at https://averyli.wordpress.com/

A Greater Appreciation

Looks like I've never done a New Year's post before. Maybe because I forgot as usual, or maybe because I don't have any ideas. Well, this time I still don't have ideas, but I did check my timepiece!

"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like banana" --Faceless Mage, Heroes of Newerth

Ah. There was the 70s, the 80s, the 90s, but what is "today"? I think Munroe might have said 2000-2009 are the new aughts but that's too awkward to say, but I disagree. In fact we really aught to expand our range of things we feel comfortable saying.

TVTropes calls our current era the New Tens, and with this year they are drawing to their end.

Uh.

I guess that's it for now. more content to come.

 "This is how originality dies... with thunderstruck applause." --Bowser from Family Matters