Lotto Buddies

This was the day that I was supposed to win that million dollar sweepstakes I entered into last month, but nobody showed up with my big check. What a shame, tsk tsk tsk....by the time I'm done with them they will beg for death....mhmm yes such a shame, really. All those bodies to clean up. Those little things I typed just now are all just funny looking, completely non-threatening dots I like to make so don't strain your eyes trying to read them. Look at this picture instead:

dat jesus

I randomly remembered this oft repeated rhyme from my childhood days:

I'm Popeye the sailor man

I live in a garbage can

I something something something

and blow up something

I'm Popeye the sailor man, toot toot!

Oh god, Popeye did the Boston marathon bombings! It's a conspiracy!
It's all coming together now.

• I said "oh god" and put up a picture of Jesus. Naturally religion is involved.
• OCR stands for Optical Character Recognition, which has black characters.
• It also stands for Original Chicken Recipe, made by the Colonel himself to bring glory to the name of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
• "Toot toot!" sounds like a bomb. A cop killer baby whistler bomb. Those are the worst. Take my word for it. Unless you didn't pay for it, then don't take it. 5 bucks a pop in case you were wondering.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN? you ask, not necessarily in all capital letters.

This is only the latest in a large scale retaliation of Popeye's Chicken and Biscuits on their main competitor, KFC for being gay and racially tolerant. Even worse, they are blessed with the divine providence of the Abrahamic deity himself. 
If we want to preserve any hope of defeating Grandma Popeye, everyone's gotta do their part to boycott Popeye's chicken. And renounce their religion.

Are you offended yet? If not, yo momma so fat she don't need the internet, she's already world wide.

Comic sans

By request of a trusted friend, I've been authorized to disclose a secret project that began last week. I am helping a skilled craftsman, known only by his codename, "The Cat", to create a comic of webs!

Don't know what that is? Well, it's kind of like this blog, except with more pictures and dumb looking people doing dumb looking things. Which is somehow...better? I guess we'll see if it takes off. Just FYI, I never look dumb or do things that look dumb. Ever.

This particular comic is going to be a......fantasy adventure genre ordeal. I hesitate to call it that because of the negative reputation associated with them. Just kidding there is no negative reputation, fantasy webcomics are just too commonplace in my opinion. 

Here's a sneak peek of one of the pages, a tiny sliver to torture you over what could possibly be depicted in the full page.

RUH ROH!

 Wait no that wasn't it. Here's the real one.

Who could it be, this animal that I did see? Can you help me solve, this mysteryyy?

That's all I can provide about it right now without revealing too much (too much being everything we have so far) 
I'm telling you about a comic without actually showing it, hence the title of this post, "sans" being Latin or whatever for without. It was not a reference to any typeface that may be universally despised, but you can imagine this post was written in it for "fun".

Oh man, I just thought of more Leaguemans.
"I never asked for this" -- Alex Benson, dehr  "Too bad" -- me
Without further ado, I present Mega Ezreal 8 names, part 3:
Aatrox = darkman
Pantheon = jumpman
Amumu = cryman
Taric = gayman/gemman
Shaco = clownman
Leona = sunman
Diana = moonman
Tryndamere = Rageman
Vi = punchman

I'm going to make a page for the League of Legends man nicknames for quick and easy reference after part 4. Expect it soon 8-)

First Milestone

What? What is this stone of miles? An ancient arcane artifact (always adding alliterative appeal and artistic aptitude aaall afternoon, ask about autographs anytime-UNOFFICIAL 17x COMBOOO) to measure miles? No, this is the 30th post I've published on this blog! I never thought I'd get this far before forgetting about it. I am so happy, I just want to sing:

bdoo bdoo bdoo bdooo
da da da da DAAAAN DAN da da da da DAAAAN DAN
We're no strangers to looove, you know the rules and so do I
Your heart's been missing but you're too shy to say it
We know the game and we're gonna play it, iiiiiii just wanna tell you how I'm feelin..
Gotta make you understand--

 never gonna give- never gonna give- never gonna give- (give up now)

I'd like to think that with each post I've made on this blog, my attitude has grown a year older and more mature. The joke's on you though, I was serious from day one...about not being serious. You Fartlord. You just did it again didn't you. Don't lie.

I was afraid I wouldn't have anything more interesting to relate to you other than yet another list of stupid League Champion nicknames(because you liked the last one so much) but today I actually did something interesting so I'll discuss that first. You're still getting the list though.

Today I went to this so called "amusement park" named Eddard Lightshield V of Andor.
Ah, now that doesn't help at all. How about 47 Beavers Settetania? No? 
Sorry, that's the best I can do for you. 

I don't know if I should call it an amusement park or theme park, 'amusement' to me has kind of lost its meaning, conveying more of a blaise, vaguely smiling mood due to the prolonged influence of a certain friend.
  
me: What do you think of my blog?
friend: It's amusing

[Disclaimer: This conversation didn't really happen]

My observations of 47 Beavers Settetania as it is this year:
1. All the employees are of a certain ethnic persuasion
2. Every time a ride was about to start, the attendant would wave a thumbs up sign around. I surmise this is a popularity gambit to coerce you to "like" the ride's facebook page.
3. At the end of the ride many attendants would violently slap your hand. I'm not sure how much further I can go into this without being racist, but this seems to be a common practice in the Western world. They call it a "high five", as it originated from a barbaric native ritual in which a quintet of individuals were publicly executed at the gallows.
4. Everything was overpriced. Basketball is supposed to be free.

Alright here's Mega Ezreal style names, part 2!

Cho'gath = eatman
Fiddlesticks = stickman
Darius = chopman
Garen = spinman
Maokai = treeman
Vladimir = bloodman
Rengar = huntman/catman
Brand = burnman
Jarvan IV = flagman
Kha'Zix = bugman

Disgusting sh- food

My favorite food used to be broccoli when I was around 5 years old, I think it was my first introduction to salt or something. Right now I don't have any favorites in particular, but that's not what I'm going to discuss. I'm going to list foods that I despise with a passion. A despicable passion. This is because historically they are the few foods that have actually made me vom- excuse my manners, regurgitate or that I felt no qualms with throwing away despite my saving food policy.

 Now, they are pretty much all vegetables, but don't get me wrong, I like spinach, especially the fresh leaves. So here we go, the yuck list.

Mr. Yuk on drugs

4. Eggplant - My first encounter with this overly squishy substance was I think about a decade ago. I ate just a little bit and retched it up. Since then I maintain a distrust of squishy foods that aren't Jello to be edible. I'm pretty sure though I would actually be fine eating it now, there's just too much trauma for me to ever go near one again though.

3. Garlic - You know how garlic is supposed to be a vampire's weakness or whatever? I think that actually started as just another one of those dumb tricks parents use to get their kids to do stuff, like Santa Claus*, the Stonehare of Easter Island, and Chuck Norris facts.

Child: "Mummy, Duddy, I dun wanna eat duh garlic, it's nasty" 
Parent: "Don't worry sport, it's so nasty even vampires don't like it"
Child: "Rearry?" 
[Parent gets 'crafty' idea]
Parent: "Yeah, if you eat it vampires will stay away from you because of all that nasty garlic"
Child: "Wow dats so cool I'm going to tell all my friends on the nonexistent medieval version of macebook"

I prefer to just grind garlic into a powder and mix it into soup or drink, so I don't even know that it's there.

2. Okra - This is actually the reason I'm writing today's post. I had to eat a half plate of the stuff and it is the most vile thing a squirrel ever found on their pizza. On the second to last one I regurgitated but kept it in my mouth. It took a good deal of discipline and sheer will power to keep it down and somehow stomach the rest of it. It really reminds me of a certain something...if you know what I....ergghh.....

1. Durian - Now, the pineapple is supposed to be the spiny hurty fruit of the bunch, but it is like a well groomed pillow pet compared to this monster. Each one is a several pound juggernaut with a shell of real spikes that can maim and kill at pedestrian velocities.
Upon cracking the shell open on the skull of an innocent**, a miasma of noxious fumes is instantly released into the air, creating a repulsion aura more than 20 feet in radius.
Contained within is a gooey mess surrounding crude facsimiles of human kidneys.
Don't be fooled by the stock photos you find, it is NEVER that neat and tidy.

There should be a new standard class in RPGs, the FruitMaster, and this would be their ultimate weapon.

I can sympathize with the most evil humans who have ever lived, yet I cannot understand how anyone would actually like eating this crap. Please, someone explain to me how these exist:

Life is beautiful and all that.
*"But he's real!" Yeah, and he's probably really sad and tired of everyone using his name for a dumb trick to get kids to behave.

**Ok, I just made up that part. You can crack it open on anyone's skull.

First unsolicited reference

I'm so excited, someone actually posted a link to this blog, on their blog, and not because I asked them to. Really. It's on a Canadian Blogspot address, but dream dream dream dreeeeeeaaaam yogurt is great without the stain of corporate scumtags.

Thank you, 11 year old Nerdo, or Gustavo Almadovar, for taking the time out of your surely busy day to mention me. I look forward to chugging bleach in your company sometime soon.
http://youareanerdo.blogspot.ca/

Oh who am I kidding there's probably a list half a mile long of people in line ahead of me, waiting for their meeting. 

I think this takes the cake for the most boring post on this blog. At least it would if I had any cake to give, which I don't, since I'll just eat any cake I get right away, unless its a monster.
 

My feeble attempts at making this post more interesting have only piqued my sweet tooth.

Give me cake. Now. 
DOO EET NAO

Sunny is no delight and never talks

Now, you know that I'm not someone who'd spread vicious rumors and gossip about others behind their backs. I heard chweris does that though, he's a mean one.
However I am going to make snide remarks about someone Else's blog in this post, so hold on to your liver because I'm going to do some drunk science.

Oh wow, am I not talking what I preach? Or not practicing what I type? Or whatever it was?
In my dream, I am the typocrite. It's me. And the Aimless man comes over for a little...ONE ON ONE. 

I only barely understand the reference myself.

And that was roughly how it went down. I don't know if Don Chindle was there though.

 So the blog is called "Sunny Talks Alot" but since the first post in March 26th, there has been very little in the way of talking, let alone enough to justify the use of the non-existent word Alot. Even worse, as soon as another post was made, the first one was deleted. That's like erasing the TRUTH! You can't deny that you wrote that, however ridiculous it was. I don't even think it was that ridiculous, and if that's what Sunny calls ridiculous, then the current post is ridiculous too!

Well that was pretty mean, I'm all out of mean steam right now, so I guess I'll cut it short here. Wait, what sort of euphemism is mean steam? What am I cutting short? 
THEY'RE EATING HER!!! AND THEN THEY'RE GOING TO EAT ME!!! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Alright, I'm done for real.

Creative strain

So I had this acquaintance named Caleb who said something a long time ago that I just remembered yesterday. I feel safe mentioning his name here because there's no way he or anyone he knows will ever read this. Here's what he said:

"See, this is the smacks kids mating ritual: one stands guard while the other two....do whatever."

His imagination was so limited he couldn't think of something weird enough to say instead of "whatever"! Fortunately I am much more creative than that.

...

Were you actually interested? I'm not going to judge.

Anyways, I really meant to post this 3 or 4 days ago but the pressure to be creative was just too high. Just kidding, laziness kicked in. 
If anyone asks you if it was worth the wait, you should answer 
"No, it was not worth waiting for at all, this guy sucks" 
but no one's going to ask you that because you probably don't eagerly wait on my next post and you haven't told anyone else about this blog you LOSER! 

Go tell at least 10 people you know about this blog right now, or else.....um.....the lunar surface will crack open and spawn a new age of dinosaurs just like in Game of Thrones, and the place where you live will be converted into an emergency escape rocket for all the poor peoples of the earth. With you still inside it. 
They'll all cram inside squeezing you to a pulp, and the rocket will blast off but then malfunction immediately after leaving the atmosphere, exposing you to the unbridled wrath of the eldritch abomination known only as the Space Hobo Horse of scarce toiletries. It rips its victims out of the slowly decompressing rocket one by one, saving you for last. You will be plunged into the everlasting torment of taking a dump without toilet paper or running water while miniature dodos tickle you for eternity.

uh....and that would be bad. 

After typing that and reading it over I realized you might be a bit depressed from reading about that, so I should probably post a funny picture to cheer you up. But NO, you deserve to be depressed, because that's what your fate shall be if you don't listen.

The lesser known 5th horseman(woman?) of the apocalypse

 On a lighter note, I figured out where Baker Cat comes from. This blog called Pusheen the Cat is entirely made up of animated GIF images of the fat cat in question. Even the text is animated, sort of. 

Here's one I particularly liked: http://pusheen.com/post/38254768792

Pusheen is what spawned the quote "If I were tiny I would sleep on a marshmellow" which someone set as their Skype status, at least the last time I was on Skype. Do you like to use Skype? Because I don't, and if you do, this will happen to you:

 

 Disclaimer: Gentlemen do not set vacuum cleaners on fire....yeah I have mixed feelings about Skype.