The Mannequin

When I walk with old friends it always seems like they have all this stuff organized without me.
I feel like such an outsider sometimes, which is ironic because I spend most of my time indoors.
To solve this depressing issue, the logical conclusion would be for me to walk outside alone, in the dark. Then I would reach a state of true bliss.

 Or would I? I guess I'm too lazy to actually do that on a regular basis, not to mention I need sleep to get up early in the morning. Well, I hope this was an amusing moment for us all. Including people who walk alone at night.

...

[Insert Jeff Here]

bonechin undulator

"I like that" -- spanish guy

That new post button is just too enticing, it makes me want to press it like 50 times. But then the post list would be cluttered with all these blank drafts, which is just unappealing to me.

So I was walking along, and as this guy passed by me, he whispered "I like the way your hair waves man" Yeah that's right, even the guys want me. U jelly ladies? Probably not.

One of my "friends" re-shared(which is similar to re-heating leftover thanksgiving fruitcake) this acronym, I'm So Meta Even This Acronym (ISMETA). Hur hur hur, that's adorable. But way below my level. What's really meta is if we take a look at what I'm doing now, which is typing up a post for this blog, and I just finished typing that  "What's really meta is if we take a look at what I'm doing now, which is typing up a post for this blog, and I just finished typing that "What's really meta is if we take a lookg at what I'm doing now, which is typing up a post for this blog, and I just finsipoposidypASDIUVPOZCX UOAIWUOPIZXUFOQWU9UOVCXU9848097T98W798237979^*(&^*#(^%*(^D(^)(&*XV(*NC89V&098714fIODYff9auvoixcvjo7)(*&(%*&E*)(^(*CYU*)(ZD^0974-0387T-98097DVHLCVJLKYe8976074985&*(^E(*UGOSDNFOERJ*(DJV(*&*(#^P(!_#%)$++)E&%#*(&D(*DSV&N*()&#)Q%*&#&(&EBFDNS(*&Rmj0948:9848FEF3BFF1604E024DC9AD15B57FD75F15600A39$(*#69836*(#^dx061~~``">><xznbvc&#%oiU

Canned food OP

"I just realized u need a can opener to open the boyarde hope u can find one sorry" -- text massage

And that's the story of how I ended up walking around campus with a can of Chef Boyardee's Mini ABCs & 123s with meatballs, going door to door begging for a can opener. So much for getting a hot lunch every day. I suppose I shouldn't look at gift donkey in the throat though, it will still be good for later. Despite the fact that its clearly an afternoon snack for kindergarteners, and I won't be getting any younger.

28 hours later...

"CURSE YOU CHEF BOYARDEE!!!"
"WHY MUST IT BE SO DIFFICULT TO GET AT THE YUMMY GOODNESS INSIDE YOUR CANS?!?"
"Y U NO EASY OPEN LID!?!?" 
 *bawls away holding the can up in front of the pagan shrine*

nuclear proliferation is for noobs, real men drink tomato sauce

 So there you have it, my catharsis. I have bared my heart and soul to you. But if you are still left wanting, here's an inspirational doge picture.

Time to go mix ranch dressing and a honey ham sandwich into clam chowder. Pasta man ain't got nothing on me.

Noodle Pills

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. But today-" Nah, that saying is overrated and overused. Not to mention too composed and mature for this blog. Lets go with this instead:

When you're Russian for food, there's no time for Stalin.

I should really be more careful, I almost got killed by a TV yesterday. You know how murderous they can be. But if you don't, well, that's a story for another time.

You may have noticed a certain lilting tone, that I use quasi-satirical pseudo-random musings.
Such a signature style is indicative only one person, well known in the Peal Whirl.

That's right. I am none other than the two time Nobel laureate, the former Czar of the Style Invitational, the legendary Washington Post columnist himself, GENE WEINGARTEN!!!
I will give you a few moments for this revelation to sink in.

Wait no I need a do over

Okay, I lied. Weingarten doesn't have any Nobels.

Do you know that "early release from class" feeling Aimless guy speaks of? Because I don't. I have over 4 hours of free time between my commitments today, so there's no problem, no problem at all.
I intended to use this time to the fullest in crafting the glorious elitist gospel that comprises Baffleton's Chungerbus! (whoa first time I've ever referred to my blog by its new name) (whoa, not the first time I've made some irrelevant parenthetical self-referential remark) (whoa, too many of these things I'mma stop now)

And maybe play a few games of LoL too. And read some webcomics. And some articles on feminism. And then get really bored and actually do a little work. And maybe start a revolution on- oh crap I only have 20 minutes left. Unfortunately I can't really touch on all the stuff I wanted to touch right now(they're all appropriate so don't get any ideas) like the state of The Collection, but I can tell you that I am at an impasse with regards to the Leaguemans "project".

Eating an ice cream cone upside down on a bed is a horrible idea. But it worked for a few minutes.

Himbleshivs

Ugh, the desk I'm sitting at has "swag" written all over it. There's even a bunch of swag "equations". Writing on the desk wood is uncool folks, especially when swag is involved.
This was the only place I could find, because everyone wants their own personal study room. Anyway, I'll be back after these messages.  *elevator music starts*

 This week's delay has been brought to you by.....general laziness!

Reviving a perennial classic loved by breakfast enthusiasts all over the world, we are proud to announce that 1337 cereal is once again on the market! Grab a box at a hypermarket near you! Or far from you. Just don't get it from Amazon, you rich white pig.

 A few days ago I went to the bus stop, only to find a horde of people already gathered around the exact spot where the bus door was going to be. It was a wonder they weren't all spilling over the curb. Man, I get there 20 minutes early and still couldn't beat the crowd. Then I remembered, wait, I still could, just gotta grab a plastic paddle and aim for the center of mass!

While I was waiting there, I saw a guy walk over and do some sort of bro handshake with a friend. They had the following conversation:
"Hey man, you taking the bus too?"
"Yeah, we're all poor here."

What! Does that mean I'm poor?!?!?!? I'm gonna set the blender to "extra pulpy" if you know what I mean. Who are they to decide my socioeconomic status!? 
GGRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I knew I shouldn't have barbecued those carrots.

Top Web 30.5

When you're using a normal graphical web browser(for what else would you browse the web with, you think you're a pro who only needs Lynx to do everything? HUH?) you should always keep it maximized so it fills the whole screen. 
You know, to get the full and enriching experience the World Wide Web can provide. Especially this blog. 
In fact, you should maximize every program you use. There's no point in actually using that decades-old feature of multiple windows side by side. Those guys who say multitasking increases productivity are all liars, you only have 1 head so you can only do one thing at a time. Of course, if you're an ogre who was gifted with 2 heads at birth then I guess it might be okay to have 2 windows at once.
 Oh, speaking of ogres...(not like I arbitrarily steered the subject in that direction)

shrek is love, shrek is life

My legs have stopped aching, but now the left side of my tongue hurts. I don't remember biting it recently.

I should have posted this on Friday, but I was looking forward to this weekend to get some sleep. Were you looking forward to the weekend for say, FUN? Look no further than this:
http://funfunfunfunfunfunfunfun.com/

Praise be to widdershins

Today, I saw this commercial where people were moving around this giant white Q shape. I think it was advertising the new season of that show hosted by Oprah Winfrey, the one where they talk about stuff. I don't know about that, but seeing that giant Q made me want to make a duplicate of it, so they could be put together to form a QQ, which can be used for many purposes. That's what all those shows are about anyway, famous people QQ'ing about the news.

I find myself strolling through a well tended campus in peace once more, 'tis the occasion for song!

It's a beautiful morning, la la laaaaaaaa except it just turned 12:00 so it is no longer morning, but noon. QQ

I really wanted to fall asleep on a bench like last time, but there's just too many people around now to bum out. You never know who might want to troll someone sleeping out in the open *cough* http://iamsoaimless.blogspot.com/2013/08/move-in-day.html *cough*



I guess you could say that it's.............a bummer!

Don't you?

Oh, I'mma try something new: Providing you guys with "trigger warnings" before I say something that might be offensive, so you can not read and not be offended. But that's too bad for you, because you'll miss out on juicy tidbits. I am currently uncertain on what these tidbits are of, but I AM certain you will miss out on them.

                          Trigger warning: Humor at the expense of the cripple



My legs are tired. Also, I'm going to be lame and not reveal the next item of The Collection this week either. O ho ho, you had to read through my lame puns to find that out.

Don't forget to post random text in the comments section below.