An Informative Dump

When you think about technology, what's the first thing that comes to your mind?
It's probably your phone, or your TV or something along those lines, isn't it?

But in reality the human race lives ensconced within a cradle of technology, very rarely interacting with anything that wasn't made or touched by human artifice. There are some banal necessities we take so much for granted that you may not even think of them as "technology". 

So where am I going with this? I'd like to draw your attention to one such necessity: 
No, not your oven. Not a lightbulb. Not even a fire, lit by a matchstick.

I am speaking, of course, of the humble toilet.

You probably could have guessed where this was going, if you noticed my use of "banal" and knew that the Spanish word for bathroom is "baño". 

When it comes to toilet technology, America is quite behind (hurhurhur) compared to the rest of the world. How could this be? And for that matter, who killed Hannibal?

Well for starters, the American/Western toilet is designed to be used while in an upright sitting posture. Whereas it's scientifically proven (science not included) that evacuating your bowels in a squatting position is not only hygienic but better for your health. You see, when you're in a squat, your alimentary canal is aligned to be straight and perfectly perpendicular to the ground allowing the easy, painless passage of any objects therein. Indeed, it is the more natural method of excretion, the way prehistoric humans performed their regular ablutions before the invention of toilets.

This is so obvious that I'm not even going to provide any credible source for these well substantiated facts. You'll just have to take my word for it.

Nowadays, companies like Squatty Potty are making cash hand over fist selling their glorified footstools to Ameriburgers, who would see it as a novel concept. But little do they know that in many parts of the world, including Asia and the Middle East have squat toilets as the norm!

Even within the western sphere America is pretty ass-backwards. We use toilet paper, which is not the worst but it could be better. But let's look at the crappier( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) methods first so Amerifats can feel good about themselves for a brief moment.

In India, you get some dirt/sand, possibly some water, and your hand. That's it. Most Indians designate the left hand as the "cleaning" hand, and using that hand for activities like eating or handshakes is....well, give it some thought. I don't know how left-handed folks get by over there. More luxurious toilets have "automated" cleaning...

Now, let's move on to the new, modern, [enlightened] method of cleansing one's perineum: the bidet! (pronounced "bid-ayyy" (lmao)) At it's core the device consists of a spout connected to the bathroom's plumbing that when activated fires a high powered water jet directly upwards or in the desired direction, allowing the user to hydraulically scour their anus to a sparkling finish without actually having to touch it. It comes in both standalone and integrated varieties, and Japan and some European countries have already adopted bathrooms with built in bidets.

I look forward to the technological singularity, where these two concepts will converge into a single, ultimate form: the squat bidet!
 
Credit goes to my (former) archrival in blogging for exposing me to the squat toilet info, you can check out his (defunct) blog at https://averyli.wordpress.com/