Himbleshivs

Ugh, the desk I'm sitting at has "swag" written all over it. There's even a bunch of swag "equations". Writing on the desk wood is uncool folks, especially when swag is involved.
This was the only place I could find, because everyone wants their own personal study room. Anyway, I'll be back after these messages.  *elevator music starts*

 This week's delay has been brought to you by.....general laziness!

Reviving a perennial classic loved by breakfast enthusiasts all over the world, we are proud to announce that 1337 cereal is once again on the market! Grab a box at a hypermarket near you! Or far from you. Just don't get it from Amazon, you rich white pig.

 A few days ago I went to the bus stop, only to find a horde of people already gathered around the exact spot where the bus door was going to be. It was a wonder they weren't all spilling over the curb. Man, I get there 20 minutes early and still couldn't beat the crowd. Then I remembered, wait, I still could, just gotta grab a plastic paddle and aim for the center of mass!

While I was waiting there, I saw a guy walk over and do some sort of bro handshake with a friend. They had the following conversation:
"Hey man, you taking the bus too?"
"Yeah, we're all poor here."

What! Does that mean I'm poor?!?!?!? I'm gonna set the blender to "extra pulpy" if you know what I mean. Who are they to decide my socioeconomic status!? 
GGRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I knew I shouldn't have barbecued those carrots.

Top Web 30.5

When you're using a normal graphical web browser(for what else would you browse the web with, you think you're a pro who only needs Lynx to do everything? HUH?) you should always keep it maximized so it fills the whole screen. 
You know, to get the full and enriching experience the World Wide Web can provide. Especially this blog. 
In fact, you should maximize every program you use. There's no point in actually using that decades-old feature of multiple windows side by side. Those guys who say multitasking increases productivity are all liars, you only have 1 head so you can only do one thing at a time. Of course, if you're an ogre who was gifted with 2 heads at birth then I guess it might be okay to have 2 windows at once.
 Oh, speaking of ogres...(not like I arbitrarily steered the subject in that direction)

shrek is love, shrek is life

My legs have stopped aching, but now the left side of my tongue hurts. I don't remember biting it recently.

I should have posted this on Friday, but I was looking forward to this weekend to get some sleep. Were you looking forward to the weekend for say, FUN? Look no further than this:
http://funfunfunfunfunfunfunfun.com/

Praise be to widdershins

Today, I saw this commercial where people were moving around this giant white Q shape. I think it was advertising the new season of that show hosted by Oprah Winfrey, the one where they talk about stuff. I don't know about that, but seeing that giant Q made me want to make a duplicate of it, so they could be put together to form a QQ, which can be used for many purposes. That's what all those shows are about anyway, famous people QQ'ing about the news.

I find myself strolling through a well tended campus in peace once more, 'tis the occasion for song!

It's a beautiful morning, la la laaaaaaaa except it just turned 12:00 so it is no longer morning, but noon. QQ

I really wanted to fall asleep on a bench like last time, but there's just too many people around now to bum out. You never know who might want to troll someone sleeping out in the open *cough* http://iamsoaimless.blogspot.com/2013/08/move-in-day.html *cough*



I guess you could say that it's.............a bummer!

Don't you?

Oh, I'mma try something new: Providing you guys with "trigger warnings" before I say something that might be offensive, so you can not read and not be offended. But that's too bad for you, because you'll miss out on juicy tidbits. I am currently uncertain on what these tidbits are of, but I AM certain you will miss out on them.

                          Trigger warning: Humor at the expense of the cripple



My legs are tired. Also, I'm going to be lame and not reveal the next item of The Collection this week either. O ho ho, you had to read through my lame puns to find that out.

Don't forget to post random text in the comments section below.

Doooooruuuu

Today is a very meaningful, momentous day in my life.
Yep, you guessed it: It's the day that my head was twisted horribly out of shape by incompetent medical personnel, forcing me to live as a malformed wretch.

(What's that? You think it's him? Well......actually, it's Baelish. But he's still at the top of my list.)

I will show them what they deserve for such an affront upon....THE KING 

OOAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! MAH BOI
ugh, my eyes hurt....

The post title comes from this weird sound effect I heard often when I was playing some game, I think it was either Avernum or Stone Soup Dungeon Crawl. Most likely Avernum.
Sorry, I'm really exhausted from not sleeping last night and doing a ton of stuff this afternoon so that'll be all, folks.

"MERRY KWANZAAA!!!!!" --stickman

Jolly McFollies

I bet you've been eagerly awaiting the next installment of The Collection....
Well too bad, it won't be shown this week. See, I'm doing you a mercy by telling you this right now instead of at the end of this post so you wouldn't have to read through all my mindless drivel only to be disappointed. 

Correction: What I meant is, I'm doing you a favor, "mercy" doesn't really make sense in this context...OR DOES IT????

Is this the answer, or yet another question?

Now I'm worried that my posts are turning into just flavor text for the silly picture repost of the day. But that's fine, I'm sure even if it was like that, they would make fine Magic The Gathering cards! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooohh

credit to Ravenide

this doesn't deserve credit

none of that was very funny actually. :(

Catch 22

"Catch 22" is a phenomenon describing the extremely addicting(catchy) tune and lyrics of Taylor Swift's hit song, 22.......

You can't get it out of your head, but I know you want toooo
Everything will be all right, let's just keep prancin like- waaaait a minute

What if I don't wanna log in facebook? There's no button to close the dialog! Clicking outside the box does nothing! What kind of sick joke is this? 
YOU GOTTA LET ME OUTTA HERE FAGBOOK!!!! THIS IS DETAINMENT WITHOUT CHARGE!
LET MY PEOPLES GO!!!!

Ok, here's the moment you've been waiting for...the moment where I reveal the first item in....THE COLLECTION! 

BEHOLD...............THE STICK!!!

And, In an even- *cough* excuse me, In an even more shocking development, all the white question marks are gone. Uh. I guess that isn't a more shocking development, I didn't feel like putting them in this time. 

Well, tune in next time to find out if I'll reveal the second elusive item in the Collection! I bet you just can't wait, can you?

The Monkey

Hay guys what's going on in- OH LAWD

One life, one love. Summer is almost over, and Riot only reveals the summer skin set today. I guess I'm just relieved that a certain skin wasn't put on hiatus.

In my novel/comic writing quest, I've learned that showing the audience a set of hidden things or people that will be revealed piece by piece as the story progresses is a great device to create suspense and discussion. It's used by the webcomic Shotgun Shuffle as well as the more obscure Dungeons and Demacians 3rd Edition thread on the LoL forums by Captain Marvelous.

So without further ado, I present to you a set of my own devising....THE COLLECTION!!!

What sort of fabulous things could these black circles with question marks possibly hide? You'll just have to wait until next time to find out!

Wiffle biffle

I've been thinking about writing a personal journal of my ghetto life. A state funded autobiography for when I'm rich and famous so that people can read it and go "wow this guy had it tough". Kind of like this one:

A delightful children's novel filled with good clean fun. My favorite character is Fregley.

Except that, I don't really have it tough. I find that most of the major problems I have were created or exacerbated to the exalted rank of Major by myself.
You know what they say, "Enemy own your are worst you Chevrolet Escalon"

....

No, don't even think about it. I am not copy pasting this blog straight into a published hardcover.
Unless I was paid enough.....

August Disgust

Man, I haven't had much motivation to post this month. I guess I've gradually lumped blogging into the "boring work/chores to procrastinate on" category in my mind's eye. 

Have you experienced a great lack of motivation lately? Fear not, for I have a solution. 
 

Do not be alarmed. This is actually a depiction of what the solution will do to your worst enemy.

To do this, you will need:

• About 50 vials full of assorted prescription drugs, including caffeine pills, 5 hour energy, Advair, Viagra, Prevacid, and Tums.
• The complete season 5 of Stargate Universe
• Genuine hair from the nose of Lebron James

It shouldn't take too long to acquire these items. I'll wait.

Just kidding, time waits for no one. 
I'm not time but I certainly subscribe to the same philosophy.

Now that you have gathered these commodities around you, it's time for the physio portion of this exercise. Begin by hunching over and crooking your eyebrows. Take a deep breath and proceed to snort as if you were the fiercest animal(with a nose) that you can imagine. Continue snorting for 2 minutes. Do not stop halfway, no matter who is looking at you strangely.

For the finishing touch, we will use the popular slogan of a well known explosives manufacturer, "Jast Do it" by Spikey. Think about it exclaiming it as loudly as you can.
Think as long and hard as you want, because there's no such thing as being too prepared.

 Ready? Alright, let's go through it together....

JAASST DOOO EEET 

DOOO EEET

DOOO EEET

DOO EET

DOO EET 

Is that your final answer?

I lost July

It's been almost a month since you last heard from me. I would apologize, but this is not the first time I've taken a long unexplained hiatus, and it won't be the last. 
So I'm just going to tell you to man up. MAAAAAN UP.  What? I don't care if you're not a man! MAYNE up then!

dis mayne's pretty high already

I think and say addictive 'words' every day. I do the same ones often because they are addictive. Let's go through an example, and you're going to like it:

About 10 minutes ago, I made up "bumberos". I don't bother looking it up on search engines or dictionaries to see if its an actual word because I'm an independent, well read adult who don't need no validation from others. I give it an espanol*-esque pronunciation, "bomb - bear - ohsu". That makes it seem like it should have an O instead of a U, but I don't change it.

I immediately yell it out loud OHOOOOOOO BOMBBEEEEEEHHRRROOOOOSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

Then, I type it in chat to the first random buddy on my contacts list. You will typically get a response of "wuh?" or "wuzzat meen?" but occasionally your hapless victim conversational partner will be cool and jam with you. Don't go overboard though, it could end up like this:

friend: woburdee wansteeum
me:     haberdasher halloway
friend: zumba zilterskreaktesh
me:     avaricious angstromees
friend: lovable leeches
me:     sordid soirees
friend: crackernuckles custard

And that's how new words are born.

The workers of the world are probably pissed because I have the luxury and time to scrawl this drivel all over the web. Rightfully so too.

*As you may already know, 'espanol' is an aboriginal word in the Congolese dialect Bahasa meaning "chumpstick".