'Murry Gristmas chumps

"Sometimes the directions lie to you, because there is no cup to put your poop in even though the sign shows it"  -- me, today

It's the most wonderful time of the year, the time where we all give each other grief for being such douchebags, then hand out doucheboxes instead as if it would change anything. Or something like that. I know there are some other random holidays around this time too but they aren't as fun and disrespectful. But it is also another time, a time for peace, a time for war, and 
IT'S TIME TO B- B- B- B- B-B-B-B-BLOG!!!!!

Anyways, my family celebrated the X-mans day by going out to the Asian buffet with some family friends. That restaurant was very deceptive though, its name was "Tysons Buffet" so I thought it was going to be an American style place but it turns out it was named after the location Tyson, not the boxer Mike Tyson. That would have been much better. Oh yeah, X-mans, that reminds me of that time when I was doing the laundry, you know, that time.
Here's the actual track if you want to visualize that scene better/worse:
https://soundcloud.com/rail-1/magneto-theme

My stomach is relatively weak willed, after only 2 full plates I was forced to give up and spend the rest of the following hour or so picking at fried junk I was no longer interested in. The "Juicy Frog Legs!" were good, but I suspect most of the taste was from the MSG. It had bones, so it was essentially like eating a tiny chidsapvu20. Yeah that's right, a fishdurken. The tumultuous weight bearing down upon my bowels was ready to burst out at any time like the illegal Alien from the Eighth Passenger. Finally, I went to get my dessert plate. I stopped at a tray full of brown goop, with a plaque above it saying "chocolate pudding". I had an ominous premonition: something terrible was about to occur involving that goop. I looked around at the alternatives: "Mango Shrimp", "Sauteed Cantaloupe", and a yellow goop of the same consistency as the brown. Remembering that one of the family friends had partaken of it before, I resigned myself to taking a scoop of the "chocolate pudding". The semi-liquid mass quivered as I brought it to my plate, and in my gut I knew, that as soon as I dropped the glob- no, I can't let that happen, no it's gonna drop, I can't DOO EET, dietetic portalsNO IT DRO-
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH