Chicken noodle soup for the beard

In recent times it seems that it takes some sort of bodily ailment to get me to do one of these posts. Fortunately no such affliction plagues me at this time, if you discount some normal sleepiness and a recurring ache I get from flexing my right middle finger to scroll the mouse wheel. I hypothesize the latter may be due to a puncture wound from several weeks ago, but that was positively tiny and should have healed by now. I certainly don't feel the same pain in my index finger, which suffered the same injury. 

TRIGGER WARNING: POLITICS!

A couple days ago I dreamed that I had convinced Donald Trump to adopt me as his son, and was now set up to live the rest of my life in opulence and luxury. It was pretty cool, going into conference rooms and feeling all high class. But then the world turned into Minecraft and I  kept falling into these crummy dirt caves in the hills, which is pretty similar to what happens when I actually played Mein kraft.

My shorts are too short and my shirt is too long. Both are a pallid white, quite fitting for a "laundry day" outfit.

Let's discuss juice drink pouches. No, not juice boxes, but the squishy kind. These silvery beverage containers were first used (or at least codified in the public mindset) by Capri-Sun, and now also by Kool-Aid in their "Jammers" line. Oh yeah. They even use the same pointy yellow straws. Which brings us to the main topic: you ever notice how it's easier to take the straw out by pushing it down through the bottom of its wrapper, despite the fact that the pointy end is on top? After sacrificing half a box's worth of straws in my quest for truth I've found that this holds true even when it's upside down, ruling gravity out as a factor. So what's the cause behind this phenomenon?
It's all in the leverage. You see, the bottom half of the straw's wrapper is attached to its pouch via a weak chemical adhesive(aka glue) while the top half can move freely. This holds it in place so that when you push the straw down it'll punch through the wrapper's bottom and exit in one smooth motion. Contrast that to the "normie" method where you pull down the top so the pointy end pierces through and you have to pull the whole thing out.

I'm going through a sort of creative drought these days, it took me a week to accumulate all of this.