The meme machine

"Decided that my 2016 starts again on February 1st...January was a trial month" --loser

Surprise, bitch! Bet you thought you'd seen the last of me...

Yeah, it's been a wild and wonderful six months, a far cry from the lethargic, melancholy days of 2013. Snoozin', Cruisin', relaxing all cool, all shootin some ping pong outside of

CALM DOWN, DOKTOR PAVEL. NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR BEL AIR. THAT COMES LATER.

After much introspection, I've decided that tumblr isn't so bad. There are the pure art blogs where thankfully, nobody actually says anything. There's the cool people making original the content (donut steel!), like 70sscifiart, Kyle Honk, basic bitch, filthy frank, sungwon cho, medertaab, kaiku- uh not her.

Anyways, my life just keeps getting more and more legit. Although there are still times where I just sit in front of the craptop all day aimlessly wondering if there's anything I'm interested in doing, as the usual things just aren't doing it. Like earlier today. I probably should have written this post then, it would have been more exciting. And longer, if you know what I mean. Oh well.

There needs to be an animated series of KC Green's Gun Show. I mean stuff like this is just priceless.

I whistled for a plane and when it came near,
the license plate said "Bane?" and it had a mask in the mirror. 
Crashing with no survivors this plane was real pretty,
So I said to the pilot, "Yo homes to Gotham City!"

Dire Elephants

 "Winston, these people need convincing to support my campaign. Why don't you take a propagander at it?" -- me

haha, what a clever portmanteau. Propagander. hahahaha. It's funny. hahahahaha. I will keep laughing my genuine, soothing laugh. hahahahahahahahahahaha.

You know how some people have an obsessive compulsive disorder, and feel like they need to wash their hands too much? Well, I kinda have the opposite problem. Just think about that the next time you shake hands with someone. They could be me in disguise.

puppet fun

Hmm speaking of washing hands, I'd like to discuss a very important topic today: The pros and cons of automatic washroom faucets.
Now I'm sure you first world faggots have all encountered this nearly ubiquitous technology by now. You emerge from the bathroom stall after dropping a deuce, nervously anticipating having to wash you hands, when you see the faucet. 

Dafuq is this? Where are the handles? There's just this black rectangle...thing embedded in the base. Such weird, very strange.
Of course being the technocrat futurist I am, I for one welcome our new automatic faucet ogrelords. But for you anti-technology Butlerian fanatics, here's the lowdown, the down and dirty, the...actually, the sink is supposed to be where things get cleaner, so it's the highclean?

ProZ:

• No need to turn handles or other complicated machinery.
• You don't have to worry about getting dirt, soap or water on the handles, because there are none.
• Turns off automatically if no motion is detected, which saves water.

Cons:

• Water temperature cannot be manually adjusted. If you don't like the temperature it's currently at, sucks to your ass-mar.
• Most of the time the motion sensor sucks, and you end up having to wave your hands around in an arcane ritual. Not everyone can bend water.
• Can only be activated by sticking your hands in. If you're washing dishes or something, keeping the water flowing is very difficult and annoying.
• Can't be left on, so if you want to fill a bucket or bottle you gotta stand there to maintain THE RITUAL!!

 Also, robots probably can't use them. All in all, these are great for just washing hands but not for anything else that sinks are used for. In my opinion the technology is nascent, a word which here means "should never have been released to the general public", and the motion detection could use a lot of improvement.

Now, what you'd assume ( and what the manufacturers want you to think) is that the dark glassy panel is the motion sensor, that detects the movement of your hands and thus dispenses the water. But every time I use one of these, I hear this ominous clicking sound  behind me upon activation. Also, sometimes there's this red dot that blinks on the panel like HAL 9001. Obviously there is a deeper, more sinister purpose behind these devices...

of course weegee would be in on it

Hegoki Sea Archeans

"I get kind of irritated by people who flirt with me just cos I happen to play games and that I am female" 
"Oh man. Wanna go...grab some coffee?....TOGETHER??" --me

HE'S BACK LENTILS AND GERMS, HE'S BACK.

FELLAS!  SHAQ ATTACK!

PINK WARD! 

CHRONIC ARTHRITIS

TRUESHOT ICON REUSAGE

I am referring, of course, to F-
NYYYYYYYYYYYYARUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

For six long months these fields have lain fallow. 
A barren wasteland, devoid of substance, devoid of CULTURE, devoid of LIFE!! 
But now, armed with the divine gift of Myrial Clairvoyance, YOUR SAVIOR RETURNS!

You thought me gone, lost to the sands of time. Well I can tell you firsthand, the sand is an illusion! There is only the ruined bubbles of slain overfiends.
My bloggy reign continues with the wise lessons learned from the Pronouncement of Two Skies.

Now that we've gotten that overogre with, let's start things off with a review of that new summer blockbuster, that kinda came out before summer actually started but whatever. Here are my thoughts on Vindicators - Short-sold Interval of the Final Module:
 
"GOD LEFT ME UNFINISHED!!!" --Ultron 
"The most versatile substance on the planet, and what do they make with it? A frisbee." --Ryan 'Morello' Scott
"There was only one thing missing from Black Widow's life - love."  --James Raynor

"It's all ogre now" --Shrek

Also I probably said this before but on the off chance you nooblords actually remember that stupid crap, The Collection and Leaguemans series will be discontinued until further notice. Which will probably be the next time I remember to tell you that its NEVVA GONNA HAPPEN. ayy lmao

Much has changed in the intervening months. But rest assured, there's one universal constant you can always rely on: WAAGH!

Beszel Angolul?

"lol five nights at freddy's isn't scary at all" --a lying man 

Wow. Neodusk actually did it. I joked in a previous post a while back about a Frozen parody based on Avatar, but he went the full nine monties. 

Hi here it is click me

On another note the closing scene of the latest episode is heavily reminiscent of the assault on Hometree in James Cameron's movie. 

On yet another note, I took screencaps a couple weeks ago containing undeniable evidence of the Dai Li clearly using metal contraptions. If they were indeed bending them, they would supplant Toph as the first metalbenders. These pictures were all obtained via perfectly legitimate means which I will not disclose.

[conspiracy intensifies]

Well that's all for the next few weeks folks, NaNoWriMo is still in full swing.

Wendigos Assemble

National Novel Writing Month is in full swing, so I should really be writing my novel, "The Truest Treasure" instead of doing this blog post. Then again, nearly every single time I write one of these posts, it's when I'm supposed to be doing something else, be it homework, going to lecture, or doing something productive with my life.
 

don't you wish you were this pro

tumblr isn't so bad actually. there's some legit blags, like 70sscifiart. But I'll still never use it myself.

time is wasting

"Are you the manager of this blog? Then you suck!" --everyone

It's close to 9 in the morning as I write this, and I am just dying to know why the door to the women's restroom is pinned open. The lights are flickering, a sure sign that it's a Matrix-style demonic possession trap. I'm running on battery despite the fact that there is a suitable power port not more than 5 feet away. 

So yeah, long time no see huh. You know that feeling you get sometimes, when you should really be doing some kinda work right now, but instead you feel like starting up another update post on that old blag you completely forgot about more than half a year ago? That's how I felt yesterday as I went through my afternoon ablutions, then decided to put off procrastination until now.

*8 minutes until imminent doom.*

What a pro, right. Just kidding, procrastinating on procrastinating is the exact opposite of being pro. Anyway, just wanted to let my non-existent audience know I'm still alive. Unfortunately I'm too lazy to post some funny picture to make this post worth your time. 

Uh. Flying cheeseburgers. Terrible.

*4 minutes until imminent doom.*

I really need to get more sleep. kthxbai

boonga boonga

How about both?

Do you enjoy combining things, just for the sake of combining, like mixing ketchup with mustard, milk with orange juice, ketchup with ice cream sandwiches? Then you've come to the right place! With this guide, I will show you how to achieve combinatorial bliss in 3, count 'em, three easy steps!

Step 1: Pick Two
Imagine two things that you really like. The more different they are, the better. Acquire them in their physical form, if possible. If not, that's okay, this is primarily a mental exercise. Visualize each object in your mind. In this example, I will select Chex Mix and Shrek.

straight from the shadynormal plastic bag

"Wow...It tastes like...Chex Mix!" --friend, while trying out my samples
"What?! No, that's not what I laced it w- never mind." -- me

Step 2: Expand Vocabulary
Now, create a new word using letters from the names of the two things. Try to retain one or two of the syllables from the old names. This word will describe the end result of the fusion. I'll combine Chex and Shrek to create "Shrex".

Step 3: Let Google do the work
This is the most controversial step, so be warned. On your web browser(which you are presumably reading this blog from, unless you are some professional procrastinator), open up your favorite search engine, and go to the image search. You see, search engines possess the magic that will transform your dream of combos into a reality. This is where your newly crafted word(s) come into play. All you have to do is type it in the box and go, like thus:

So for my example, I will look for pictures of...wait...uh...this doesn't seem like such a good idea all of a sudden...I'm not sure why, but I get a really bad feeling from this.
Hold on, I'mma squash this spider. Whomp. Squish. Hah. Now...
What to do, what to do....you know what, I won't let something silly like feelings stop me from getting what I want. I'm gonna DOO EET, I'm gonna click that button and-

April Anniversary

You may be wondering why I didn't post yesterday despite it being April already. That's because yesterday was April Fool's Day, and I know that you would all have expected some gigantic super special awesome hilarious joke if I posted that day. The pressure was simply too much for me to handle. That and the fact that this whole blog is just one big joke. 

April 2nd also happens to be the day that I made the very first post on this blog, exactly 1 year ago in 2013. "Time flies", right? Wrong, every single day I went through since then has seemed like a grueling eternity of drudgery and torment. And it will be the same for next year too. Anyway, I will be celebrating the 1 year anniversary by giving you ever so slightly more insight into my creative process.

You may be wondering what kind of extraordinary man it takes to create such a great blog like this. I can tell you that it took years of training, typing lessons, pun dueling, and other contests of wit just to get to this level of stupidity. While I cannot show you what I look like during the creative process, I can give you a glimpse of another Master at work:

Watch as he deftly carves pointlessness from a block of literary cheesecake that would in any other case be very funny. His haphazard, pluripotent style is so moving, it drives me almost to tears.

There was a big white poster board stand outside today, where people were asked to write in a term to fill in the blank in the statement "I am _____ and proud". I suppose they were trying to promote animal marriage rights or something but that statement is just too vague. There are lots of things you can do and be proud of that I doubt they would endorse. I mean you can basically write stuff like:
"I am chauvinist and proud."
"I am a murderer and proud."
"I am a rapist and proud." 
"I am pedophile and proud."
"I am a coffee drinker and proud." 
"I am Belieber and proud."
                                          -- not me
Or maybe they would endorse it. Let's go find out.

Listen what I say-o

"March comes in like a lion and out like a lamb" --A Liar

Here in the Northern Hemisphere, it's supposed to be spring. That's why it was snowing heavily yesterday. Just like last Tuesday, I was sitting inside one morning seeing the gray sky outside. I looked back 15 minutes later to see fast moving McFlurries(jk just regular flurries) descending from the heavens. My reaction was one of pure joy:

 Today the snow all melted away back to the green grass, leaving only the squishy wet mud sticking onto your feet and shoes to show that it was ever there. Now I can finally say AH, IT'S SPRING AGAIN(even I don't know what that's a reference to). Time for frolicking and other stupidly cheerful activities that I will have no part of. 

When I mentioned snow, you probably thought I was going to make a reference to that really popular song from the Disney movie that came out at the end of last year. But no, the post title is actually a misheard line from the Red Hot Chili Pepper's single "Snow".

For those of you who don't know, Disney's "Burned" is about a princess born with the magical power to turn everything she touches into fire. Her sibling travels across the land, meeting the most unlikely comrades on an epic journey to stop her from turning the world to ashes. When she first gains the freedom to use her power, she sings the song "Let it Burn" a hit solo composed by the master himself, Tommy Lee Jones-sensei.

I should really change my forum avatar...

I realize I've been delving too much into the mundane details of my personal life. But simply saying random crap is going full retard. And you never go full retard.
[The picture of the guy saying to never go full retard]

"See you in April, scrubs." --Me

I spent weeks looking for that chef boy picture...I was so happy when I finally found it...

Chocolate Rain

The jump that launched a thousand ships (the gooey kind)

It's exactly one month too late to do a post about love/romance/kidnapping, but upon recommendation from a friend, I watched this animated movie titled The Garden of Words. Its about 45 minutes long, half the length of a full feature. Nobody told me no genre, but I could see that it was clearly an action packed adventure- no it was a boring romantic drama. To warn away you folks with low attention span so you don't get bored, I will show you the following screen capture:

This is the most exciting scene in the entire movie. Unless you have a crying fetish but I'll get to that later.

My first impressions were
Wow such quality
very smooth
The animation was top notch, so I don't regret taking the time to acquire the 720p version instead of streaming it (240p gaze it) on some trashball site. The water looked great, the trees look like they came right out of a watercolor painting, the people....all looked the same. So it was rather difficult for me to tell who the bad guy was.

After several meaningless scenery shots, the story finally begins. It takes place in Average Asian City, Asianland. One morning, a young boy decides he's going to be COOL GUY and skips off from the train station. He justifies it by saying it's raining, but in reality he is just too cool for school. After trolling people at the supermarket, he walks through some tropical jungle park on a paved path that leads all the way up to...a gazebo.

"WHAT?!?!" That's right. You heard me. A gazebo.

Yes, I was thinking the exact same thing. I was totally convinced that the gazebo was going to be the bad guy and eat everyone at the end. But it didn't, which was very disappointing.

Sitting inside this gazebo is a strange woman. I was wondering, is this boy retarded? Didn't his parents ever tell him not to talk to strangers? Doesn't he know just how dangerous gazebos are? Then the flashback comes. Oh, he was raised by an alcoholic single mom and an abusive brother. It all makes sense now. 

This woman is obviously a wise master of the aimless way. She eats only the cardinal foods, chocolate and beer, the ambrosia buffet as Hades would put it. She asks the boy how he knows that you need to eat something with beer, he says it's his mom that is the drinker. Nice try guy, we all know you have a drinking problem too. She gives him some weird proverb that is supposed to help him recover.

The guy wants to be a shoe maker. Like the Levy-Schumaker comet. That reminds me, I gotta go watch the Cosmos TV series, get on Carl Swagan's ship of imagination.

The first deep concept this movie shows is that the rain is good, something I can relate to. Acid rain helps to ruin crops and signify the atmosphere has reached a sufficient level of pollution.

After the long summer (winter is coming guise) (again) the boy finally figures out that this whole time, the woman was actually the O87UV90ZD8SERFf8sz90duf32hfspu12XfGCfqXHnLYBVEKB2ryfabrZh35kufZQ 

uH sOMETHING about cougars and bare feet

crying, tears were shed, you can't imagine the feels I'm not feeling right now

The End

Crap I can't eat this trail mix, it's too spicy