Goat&CatScans: Retired Heroes Chapter 14

One last chapter before All Hallows Eve is upon us!

Chapter 14: http://www.mediafire.com/file/l02lc7ir9llvpyf/Chapter_14_Translated.zip/file 

Everything else: Mastercard https://www.mediafire.com/folder/4o5obdo2l3198/Retired_Heroes_Translation_Project

Goat&CatScans: Retired Heroes Chapter 13 + 12 omake

Pizza mozza-rella, pizza mozza-rella, rella rella rella rella rellah!~

MRW Lina says I'm not a noble

We are also releasing the Chapter 12 Omake along with this one for some reason.
Jeez, this chapter was such a cliffhanger!

Chapter 12 Omake: http://www.mediafire.com/file/3vbfuugcubpn4me/Chapter+12+Omake+Translated.zip
Chapter 13: http://www.mediafire.com/file/n8ygv2t68c8xunx/Chapter_13_Translated.zip

The whole nine yards: https://www.mediafire.com/folder/4o5obdo2l3198/Retired_Heroes_Translation_Project

Goat&CatScans: Retired Heroes Chapter 12

Still going at a breakneck pace. Hope your own necks are okay.

Y'all mind if I attain Instrumentality?

 Get chapter 12 here: http://www.mediafire.com/file/v77cp42t2z2awmn/Chapter+12+Translated.zip

All of our chapters: https://www.mediafire.com/folder/4o5obdo2l3198/Retired_Heroes_Translation_Project

Goat&CatScans: Retired Heroes Chapter 11 + omake

We're going full steam ahead on this despite the backlash. The entrance into scanlation brings really exciting and worrying days! 
Here's our new credits page after the name change:

As you can see we put a commensurate effort into it. Here's the obligatory preview.

There's no weird meme edit. Why would there be, when there wasn't last time?

You'll probably notice a sharp uptick in quality, as we're using the standard font now and I'm actually doing proofreading and rewording passes.

Oh, we also did the omake after Chapter 11. Man, whenever I see the term "omake" I think of Makefiles. It's the O-Make!

Getcher goods here: http://www.mediafire.com/file/z1ddf2tq88yc5op/Chapter+11+Translated.zip 
http://www.mediafire.com/file/tjyu74ozsc4677n/Chapter+11+Omake+Translated.zip

All chapters: https://www.mediafire.com/folder/4o5obdo2l3198/Retired_Heroes_Translation_Project

Now to see how long we go before some schmuck rips it to imgur and posts it on reddit again. I give it 24 hours tops.

The cat's out of the bag

It seems our recent debut onto the scanlation scene has stirred up a little bit of controversy, the proverbial hornet's nest, or wasp nest if you will. I kind of expected something like this to happen when we uploaded our first chapter to mangadex, which is why I was a bit apprehensive about doing so. But what's done is done, and frankly I'm surprised this blog hasn't absolutely blown up with comments yet.

Most of the complaints have to do with things I already lined out in my first blog post like font choice and slanting text, which everyone would have seen if they didn't just read the mangadex upload. We are actually taking a few of these concerns into consideration.

The one big issue is there's already a scanlation group by the name of Cat Scans. 

Yeah, we didn't do any basic research either. This was an honest mistake, we weren't trying to steal their name or anything.
Therefore as of today, we're changing our group's name to Goat&Cat Scans. It's a pain but it has to be done. 
Man, we're gonna need to get a new credits page and everything. Do you have any idea how expensive it is to commission MS Paint drawings?

Also, Chapter 10 is on mangadex now if you're into that sort of thing.

Goat&CatScans: Retired Heroes Chapter 10

It's frankly something of a miracle that I didn't make a random troll post before we finished the next chapter, but here we are. I think we're usually supposed to post a sample image of the scanlation here to give people a sneak preview, so here ya go:

Yeah yeah, I know that's just our credits page, that fooled exactly nobody. Let's just pretend that didn't happen and try this again:

Yes, those sound effects were already there, especially the one in color, why do you ask?

You can get chapter 10 here: http://www.mediafire.com/file/z4lvc5wb714bevr/Chapter+10+Translated.rar
The folder containing all of our chapters: https://www.mediafire.com/folder/4o5obdo2l3198/Retired_Heroes_Translation_Project

Let me be your ruler

I've been splatting a seemingly endless horde of flies flocking to my screen. Again. Looking back it seems like this isn't the first time this has happened. That was more than a year ago, and I'm no longer as pissed off by it now. 

What's changed? My perspective, most likely. A few weeks earlier my home was plagued by a wasp infestation, which was far nastier. Yellow jackets have a loud buzz that makes them difficult to ignore, and can sting multiple times without dying like their friendlier bee brethren. 
That reminds me: I went to the dentist's office some time ago and was sitting underneath the wall-mounted TV in the waiting room. They usually play kid's movies since it's a dentistry for kids, which I still go to for some reason. Anyway, above me, I heard the DreamWorks Pictures jingle play. A tingle ran down my spine and I got all excited. Were they about to play that masterpiece of animated films, that green slime-filled sensation? Were they about to play....SHREK?!

"According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly..."

I instantly slumped down in my seat, all hope lost.
Yeah. It was Bee Movie.

I don't think I need to tell you what to think about Bee Movie. In fact, I'm not even going to dignify it with a pic-

Anyway, I got stung once on the toe and recovered in less than 2 days thanks to constant rinsing and proper care. Others were not so fortunate. While more hostile and durable than flies, wasps were much easier to hit, whether it be with newspaper, flyswatter, or nerf blaster. This infestation did prompt the purchase of a new, industrial strength "heavy duty" bug swatter made of vulcanized rubber and thick steel wire. The advertising blurb said it could be used as a backup paddle should you find yourself on a canoe in a raging river. I don't know about that, but its pretty durable. I'm not going to shill it further here but the brand name is "Enoz" if you're really interested.

Now that the cold snap has arrived, the wasps are likely gone for good. Now if only these flies shared the same vulnerability...

An Informative Dump

When you think about technology, what's the first thing that comes to your mind?
It's probably your phone, or your TV or something along those lines, isn't it?

But in reality the human race lives ensconced within a cradle of technology, very rarely interacting with anything that wasn't made or touched by human artifice. There are some banal necessities we take so much for granted that you may not even think of them as "technology". 

So where am I going with this? I'd like to draw your attention to one such necessity: 
No, not your oven. Not a lightbulb. Not even a fire, lit by a matchstick.

I am speaking, of course, of the humble toilet.

You probably could have guessed where this was going, if you noticed my use of "banal" and knew that the Spanish word for bathroom is "baño". 

When it comes to toilet technology, America is quite behind (hurhurhur) compared to the rest of the world. How could this be? And for that matter, who killed Hannibal?

Well for starters, the American/Western toilet is designed to be used while in an upright sitting posture. Whereas it's scientifically proven (science not included) that evacuating your bowels in a squatting position is not only hygienic but better for your health. You see, when you're in a squat, your alimentary canal is aligned to be straight and perfectly perpendicular to the ground allowing the easy, painless passage of any objects therein. Indeed, it is the more natural method of excretion, the way prehistoric humans performed their regular ablutions before the invention of toilets.

This is so obvious that I'm not even going to provide any credible source for these well substantiated facts. You'll just have to take my word for it.

Nowadays, companies like Squatty Potty are making cash hand over fist selling their glorified footstools to Ameriburgers, who would see it as a novel concept. But little do they know that in many parts of the world, including Asia and the Middle East have squat toilets as the norm!

Even within the western sphere America is pretty ass-backwards. We use toilet paper, which is not the worst but it could be better. But let's look at the crappier( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) methods first so Amerifats can feel good about themselves for a brief moment.

In India, you get some dirt/sand, possibly some water, and your hand. That's it. Most Indians designate the left hand as the "cleaning" hand, and using that hand for activities like eating or handshakes is....well, give it some thought. I don't know how left-handed folks get by over there. More luxurious toilets have "automated" cleaning...

Now, let's move on to the new, modern, [enlightened] method of cleansing one's perineum: the bidet! (pronounced "bid-ayyy" (lmao)) At it's core the device consists of a spout connected to the bathroom's plumbing that when activated fires a high powered water jet directly upwards or in the desired direction, allowing the user to hydraulically scour their anus to a sparkling finish without actually having to touch it. It comes in both standalone and integrated varieties, and Japan and some European countries have already adopted bathrooms with built in bidets.

I look forward to the technological singularity, where these two concepts will converge into a single, ultimate form: the squat bidet!
 
Credit goes to my (former) archrival in blogging for exposing me to the squat toilet info, you can check out his (defunct) blog at https://averyli.wordpress.com/

A Greater Appreciation

Looks like I've never done a New Year's post before. Maybe because I forgot as usual, or maybe because I don't have any ideas. Well, this time I still don't have ideas, but I did check my timepiece!

"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like banana" --Faceless Mage, Heroes of Newerth

Ah. There was the 70s, the 80s, the 90s, but what is "today"? I think Munroe might have said 2000-2009 are the new aughts but that's too awkward to say, but I disagree. In fact we really aught to expand our range of things we feel comfortable saying.

TVTropes calls our current era the New Tens, and with this year they are drawing to their end.

Uh.

I guess that's it for now. more content to come.

 "This is how originality dies... with thunderstruck applause." --Bowser from Family Matters

dodgemax

This is the best....PUNCHING ANGLE!!!

 "Yes, let me retrieve my personal communication unit so that I may capture a digital photograph featuring the two of us. I understand this is an activity humans in developed regions often perform to help assuage their feelings of existential terror." --me

I'm sure you've all heard the advice "Look both ways before crossing the street", or something along those lines, right?
As a student of Gayme Theory I overanalyzed this phrase as a decision tree yesterday afternoon as I am wont to do, and jumped to a bizarre conclusion.

Node 1: You, the pedestrian, stand at the precipice of a wide road frequented by automobiles. Following the advice handed down to you by your elders, you look left and right down the road.

• If there are no cars, you begin to cross.
• If there are cars, you don't cross, and wait for a while before repeating Node 1.

Node 2: You are now crossing the street. Is it not reasonable that the advice still applies from before? Indeed it does, and you still look left and right out of precaution.

• If there are no cars, you may continue to cross as normal.
• But if there are cars....

...what are you going to do?
Stopping and waiting like Node 1 suggests certainly isn't an option. 
No, there's only one thing to do. You have to burn the rope.
You have to dodge the cars.

"But my parents never taught me how to dodge speeding cars!"

Yes, and I'm starting to realize this is a major deficiency of today's parenting and educational system. To rectify this, I put forth what I consider...a modest proposal:

The wide-scale construction of large fenced off parking lots or wide stretches of pavement and designating them as "public automobile etiquette training" areas, or re-purposing existing unused lots to serve as such. 

This would be a great resource for new and returning drivers to practice driving in a controlled environment- but more importantly, it provides the perfect proving ground for new and returning pedestrians to test their car-dodging skills.

Different 'arenas' could be simulated by the strategic placement of Jersey walls, starting with a suburban cul-de-sac for the uninitiated and those lacking confidence all the way up to the single lane winding forest trail where escaping over the side is prohibited. 

And of course you have the 6 lane "interstate highway", a flexible training area that can scale with the dodger's skill by increasing traffic flow. 

Veteran car dodgers can demonstrate tried and true maneuvers such as the tumble, the sideswipe, the oopsie-doodle, as well as more advanced techniques like Running Up the Windshield, the Pole Vault Combo, the Iron Man Catch, and the Hole in One.

Vehicles will have customizable attachments like bumper extenders that may increase or decrease possible surface area to affect their chances of a direct hit, or other fun additions like wheel spikes, a throwback to the chariots of old.

All these measures will serve as ample preparation for when pedestrians have to cross these roads "for real", as they say on the street.