Disgusting sh- food

My favorite food used to be broccoli when I was around 5 years old, I think it was my first introduction to salt or something. Right now I don't have any favorites in particular, but that's not what I'm going to discuss. I'm going to list foods that I despise with a passion. A despicable passion. This is because historically they are the few foods that have actually made me vom- excuse my manners, regurgitate or that I felt no qualms with throwing away despite my saving food policy.

 Now, they are pretty much all vegetables, but don't get me wrong, I like spinach, especially the fresh leaves. So here we go, the yuck list.

Mr. Yuk on drugs

4. Eggplant - My first encounter with this overly squishy substance was I think about a decade ago. I ate just a little bit and retched it up. Since then I maintain a distrust of squishy foods that aren't Jello to be edible. I'm pretty sure though I would actually be fine eating it now, there's just too much trauma for me to ever go near one again though.

3. Garlic - You know how garlic is supposed to be a vampire's weakness or whatever? I think that actually started as just another one of those dumb tricks parents use to get their kids to do stuff, like Santa Claus*, the Stonehare of Easter Island, and Chuck Norris facts.

Child: "Mummy, Duddy, I dun wanna eat duh garlic, it's nasty" 
Parent: "Don't worry sport, it's so nasty even vampires don't like it"
Child: "Rearry?" 
[Parent gets 'crafty' idea]
Parent: "Yeah, if you eat it vampires will stay away from you because of all that nasty garlic"
Child: "Wow dats so cool I'm going to tell all my friends on the nonexistent medieval version of macebook"

I prefer to just grind garlic into a powder and mix it into soup or drink, so I don't even know that it's there.

2. Okra - This is actually the reason I'm writing today's post. I had to eat a half plate of the stuff and it is the most vile thing a squirrel ever found on their pizza. On the second to last one I regurgitated but kept it in my mouth. It took a good deal of discipline and sheer will power to keep it down and somehow stomach the rest of it. It really reminds me of a certain something...if you know what I....ergghh.....

1. Durian - Now, the pineapple is supposed to be the spiny hurty fruit of the bunch, but it is like a well groomed pillow pet compared to this monster. Each one is a several pound juggernaut with a shell of real spikes that can maim and kill at pedestrian velocities.
Upon cracking the shell open on the skull of an innocent**, a miasma of noxious fumes is instantly released into the air, creating a repulsion aura more than 20 feet in radius.
Contained within is a gooey mess surrounding crude facsimiles of human kidneys.
Don't be fooled by the stock photos you find, it is NEVER that neat and tidy.

There should be a new standard class in RPGs, the FruitMaster, and this would be their ultimate weapon.

I can sympathize with the most evil humans who have ever lived, yet I cannot understand how anyone would actually like eating this crap. Please, someone explain to me how these exist:

Life is beautiful and all that.
*"But he's real!" Yeah, and he's probably really sad and tired of everyone using his name for a dumb trick to get kids to behave.

**Ok, I just made up that part. You can crack it open on anyone's skull.