2014 is here

Oh yeah, you know what that means! 

So, what does it mean? I uh....don't quite know myself.  

But here in America it is the eve of the time that we have to change calendars, and its a tradition for folks around these parts to watch the broadcast TV segment "New Year is a Dick" featuring some random unimportant people in New Zork. Which in my opinion could be more appropriately named as "Channel 4 pretends to be MTV for a few hours". Man you little kids probably don't even know what MTV is, but I do because I'm a big kid. Just kidding(ha), MTV stands for Mature Television and isn't something kids should know about. Obviously I won't be watching either of those, because watching TV is for noobs, real men drink tea and blog. Except for TeaV, I think that's alright.

The quintessential New Year's practice, of course, is to tell everyone what your "resolution" is. Personally, I want to try for 1080p, 1366x768 is decidedly non-standard and prevents me from viewing my forum in its full glory like people with a Lingonberry Blackintosh can. Oh yeah, I hope I get some PROMOTIONS! this year, if you know what I mean (because again, I don't and would like to know)

Cherk mer oert ern ferceberk!

 Alright, time to begin on my next photoshop project: Satanic McDonalds logo.

'Murry Gristmas chumps

"Sometimes the directions lie to you, because there is no cup to put your poop in even though the sign shows it"  -- me, today

It's the most wonderful time of the year, the time where we all give each other grief for being such douchebags, then hand out doucheboxes instead as if it would change anything. Or something like that. I know there are some other random holidays around this time too but they aren't as fun and disrespectful. But it is also another time, a time for peace, a time for war, and 
IT'S TIME TO B- B- B- B- B-B-B-B-BLOG!!!!!

Anyways, my family celebrated the X-mans day by going out to the Asian buffet with some family friends. That restaurant was very deceptive though, its name was "Tysons Buffet" so I thought it was going to be an American style place but it turns out it was named after the location Tyson, not the boxer Mike Tyson. That would have been much better. Oh yeah, X-mans, that reminds me of that time when I was doing the laundry, you know, that time.
Here's the actual track if you want to visualize that scene better/worse:
https://soundcloud.com/rail-1/magneto-theme

My stomach is relatively weak willed, after only 2 full plates I was forced to give up and spend the rest of the following hour or so picking at fried junk I was no longer interested in. The "Juicy Frog Legs!" were good, but I suspect most of the taste was from the MSG. It had bones, so it was essentially like eating a tiny chidsapvu20. Yeah that's right, a fishdurken. The tumultuous weight bearing down upon my bowels was ready to burst out at any time like the illegal Alien from the Eighth Passenger. Finally, I went to get my dessert plate. I stopped at a tray full of brown goop, with a plaque above it saying "chocolate pudding". I had an ominous premonition: something terrible was about to occur involving that goop. I looked around at the alternatives: "Mango Shrimp", "Sauteed Cantaloupe", and a yellow goop of the same consistency as the brown. Remembering that one of the family friends had partaken of it before, I resigned myself to taking a scoop of the "chocolate pudding". The semi-liquid mass quivered as I brought it to my plate, and in my gut I knew, that as soon as I dropped the glob- no, I can't let that happen, no it's gonna drop, I can't DOO EET, dietetic portalsNO IT DRO-
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

somebody get a fire distinguisher

Ah, what a fine day for studying in the library. But wait, is that....crunching I hear? That guy over there...is he EATING? In a library? Does he know the rules around here? Someone should really give him a stern talking-to.  He's even sitting at an angle so everyone can see he's not actually studying! He's playing some gol-darned video game, and all those clicks are even louder than the crunching! How can I concentrate with all the discomforting noise he's making? *sigh* kids these days...

This is what I imagine must be going through the mind of the older gentleman sitting not 2 desks to the right from me. I guess I'm really rattling his cage... aw nah, I did it again. Here comes nickzilla

you don't say

There appears to be a new Legend of Leagues champion hinted at being released soon, so I had an intelligent FACT-based discussion about it with my friend.

me: I think this guy might just be more generic than garen

friend: nah
He's asian so that makes him exotic and mysterious
And having a very dull swor
sword*

me: hey garen is asian too why do you think he builds youmuu's ghostblade

friend: no thats just the asianwannabe spirit of white bros

me: do you see his new squinty eyes in the splash art

friend: He tries really hard

Waiting

A few days I got my dad to try out that Southwest Mcwrap thing, as he was the last of the family to have not tasted it yet. Here are a few select quotes from him:

"Eh, it's just a little spicy"

"This is nothing"

"American food is so mild"

"Why are you sweating? I don't feel anything"

QQ I'm not a real man. Gotta build more spice resistance.

I did make it to Gold Tier a few days ago in LegendLeague so I'll be getting those great rewards in a few hours when the season ends. But then I lost the next 5 consecutive ranked matches, which kind of rattles my Cage because it could imply I don't really "belong" in gold. 

Wait, did I just say "rattles my Cage"? 

Crap. This is bad.  

Really bad.

It has been summoned. And It will demand sacrifice. You don't want to be there when that happens. And it will keep happening.

I'm warning you now, you better lock yo doors, batten down the hatches, Hide ya kids, Hide ya wives, hide ya husbands, cuz  LOOK OUT!

IT'S THE GHOST RIDER!

Man, this would have made a great halloween post but its 2 weeks late.

No Trap November

"That was the best oral I've ever had" --high school spanish teacher

QQ, I couldn't get to posting until after October was over. But now I am finally free! ...To write my NaNoWriMo novel. At least this time it's voluntary.

If you think you're better off after seeing a guy in his underwear with Jesus' face shooped on, well that's great, I didn't know my blog had gay christian readers. I'll try to cater to your interests more in the future. I bet the rest of you would really enjoy that. Don't deny it. "Search your feelings boy, for you know it to be true" -- Backstroke of the West

Oh right I took these video stills a while ago and completely forgot about them, here you go:

Teal'c already knows what's up. He IS a Private Eye after all.

Noh! Don't do it guise! Don't doo eet! You know what's going to happen if you facecheck that brush! No-

DEMACIAAA!!!!!!!

RIP old garen

Actually

Going as a hipster for National Cosplay Day would work quite well.
"What are you supposed to be?"
"You've probably never heard of it"

But the truth is, I just found out the real National Cosplay Day is in May or whatever so....

I'm rising up in the ranks of LegendLeague, attaining Silver 2 on Saturday and Silver 1 today. Maybe I can get gold by season's end. Maybe. Maybe not. Or maybe it's something completely different like an axe or a...well if you don't know where this line of thinking ends up perhaps you are better off that way. Just like you would be better off if I didn't show you this picture:

and the lord did provide ample...manservice...

I guess I'll dedicate the rest of this post to detailing a dream I had.

The slumps of midweek

*lame crappy post alert, skip over this*

errrrgh...I'm feeling really tired. National Cosplay Day is next week here in 'murica, and I dunno if I should even do it. If I am going, I'd prefer to go as a hipster character/archetype, but I'm too lazy to make/order the costume and stuff. No, I don't mean dressing like a hipster, I mean something that's not the typical BedsheetPhantom/Toiletpapermummy/Uglyedwardcullen/Victor'sHulkPredecessor and the lot of them. 

Nanowrimo is next month though, and I'm definitely gonna doo eet. I'm still not sure what to do for my novel. I have some inklings of an idea but with most of my ideas, I can't see how to implement them with my limited shut-in level of worldly knowledge.

I got the Opera web browser a few days ago and am writing this post in it right now. The editor in Opera apparently doesn't support the font I normally use, substituting in this other hard to read font that is exacerbating my lack of humor. I'm actually just doing this to increase the post count for October before month's end. I don't think I'll ever manage to match that 16 posts per month reached in April unless I do the double posts, which would go against mah principles. MAH PRINCIPLES!!! But hey, at least I'm still here and haven't abandoned this dumb thing.

yeah, this is a relatively boring post with no pretty pictures, but don't say i didn't warn you beforehand. i warned you about the tiredness bro! i told u dog!

Interruptio

A few days ago I was walking down the street with some bros, trying to explain something I found interesting to one of my friends(well now you know I'm making this up, I have no friends) when this other friend just cuts in and interrupts me! How inconsiderate! The exchange went sort of like this:

Me: "...but you see, the major obstacle that's been hampering my progress in achieving ambidextrosity(this is not the right word for the concept, or even a real word for that matter) is the way that the furniture here is arraigned, like this, THIS CHAIR-"

Certain other guy: "yo man I like chairs and I'mma let you finish but hey first friend, do you think you can do this random thing, at this date and time?"
 
first friend: "uh I think so"
 
He then turns to me in a poor imitation of Samantha M. Jackson, saying "Oh I'm sorry, did I break your concentration?" while putting his hand on my shoulder.

I ain't even mad though. It wasn't really that important for others to know anyway.
 
Protip: Whenever I drink tomato or vegetable juice, it always leaves red stains and small amounts of goop on the inside of the cup. I feel too lazy to wash the cup, so what I do instead is pour milk into it until it's full, then drink that up. The milk clears out all the stuff left behind from the juice.

Today when I was at Jeepers, I went to the bathroom while I was waiting for the food to be served. As soon as I walked through the door I almost did a double take at the handsome face staring back....in the mirror. Holy crap I am so beautiful. That smooth silky hair, that lovely complexion...yeah you wish I posted photography of myself here, too bad.

Tongue Torment

"Would you like to try the new Southwest McWrap?"
"Sure, four please. What could possibly go wrong?" --famous last words

well mcwraps are pretty good, I'll just take a bite and
AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHH BLLLEEEAAAHHHHHHHHHUEHEHAHAHAHA
SOOOO SPPIIICCCYYY AAAARRRRGGGG MUCHO CALIENTEEEEE TOMCRUISESAVEME FROM SWEET BABY JESUS WITH A CHAINSAW OHLAWD BURNING ELMOh*

I rush to the fridge to grab a full pitcher of lemonade and upend it into the maw of the inferno. My family decided to try it too, but their resolve faltered. This is the path I chose for myself though, so I will force myself to continue...just gotta tank that spiciness...*bite* AAAAAHHHGG....*bite* AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHGGGG.....I....dooo eeet....BLAUUURGHH

"I survived" --family member

FUUUU EBAY

So I was trolling some eBay auctions by raising a ton of bids, but then I ACTUALLY WON. DAMMITO!! I guess I now have to pay the price for my bad habit...literally.  I was planning on getting this particular item(s) anyway, but not for at least a year.That's what iiii bought on eeebay...

I'll take witness true strength for $300 alex

Laundry Day

Well now it's that day....the day when we all stand naked over an open running washing machine sprinkling choice drops of generic blue detergent over the surviving articles of clothing from a greasy confrontation with Asian food whilst humming Magneto's theme from C-Men Steerage with the hope that no one else comes down to the laundry room at this hour. 

Erm...Everybody does do that, right? Yo Freud, back me up here!

Freud: "Sometimes a cigar....is actually marijuana."

DAMMIT HE SAID IT WAS LEGAL! YOU SET ME UP FREUD!!
YOU SET ME UP!
YOU SET ME UP!
THANKS OBAMA! 

oh yeah, remember this post with the augmented horseman/woman/thing? Well apparently he/she/it got even more riiiiiiipped with some new....UPGRADES!!!. (Raise your karmadonger rework)

Crap I think I hear someone approaching, better get dressed

God jam it bro

Radio Commercial: "When you think of the word fun, what's the first thing that comes to mind?" Well I do these Jack Nicholson eyebrows, and-

Only the dead can know peace from this suffering

It's not that time of the week yet, but I'm in a fairly gloomy mood. Not just because it was raining heavily this morning, but because I have A FINGER JAM. Yeah, the temporary version of carpal tunnel syndrome. This is really annoying especially since the jam's on my right middle finger, which as you can imagine is used for a great many IMPORTANT things.

yeah....it's a reeeaal jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam

I'm chalking it up to playing ranked LoL with an almost broken left mouse button that I have to slam every minute or so to get it working. Obviously I gotta do that RICE thing to recover, but I hate that I can't ice one finger without making the rest of my hand cold. QQ


J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Behind the Scenes

I thought it'd be a fun idea to take you through the process of how these blog posts are made. Then I wrote it out and found that it wasn't that fun. But it'd be kind of a waste not to show you so...this is it. (the grandmapocalypse)

First, this sort of inkling of an idea stirs in the bowels of my brain. It usually has to do with whatever disgusting thing I just did. I open up notepad and spew all the grimey crap out onto the screen in this big file where I keep all the old blog post ideas. I do this because I may or may not actually want to post the idea now and this kind of thing doesn't require those fancy schmancy graphics and formatting cowcrap that a 'full' word processor provides. "But why not? Why canst I BEHOLD THY GRAPHICS?" Fine, I'm taking a screenshot of what I currently have typed up, here you go:

(this feels kind of weird)


And then I just copy paste it all into the post thing. Well, that ended fast.

I'm pretty sure that this blog has no female readers so I can be as mysoginist(spelling is for womyn) as I want. Man(lololol), that word kinda sounds like a type of asian soup. I think I'll go to the asian store to get some of that...chauvinist soup, be a souperman.

I missed the bus

Only about half an hour ago, I made the astonishingly(not really) poor decision to have a late lunch. When I finally emerged from the dark halls of the forsaken eatery(TM), the bus and all of it's people were gone. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (refer to the no.com website mentioned in a previous post) (fine, be lazy, here's the link: http://nooooooooooooooo.com/)

Leaving me sitting on the....warm, dusty bench. Okay, that's not as bad as the cold hard ground but it sure felt like it to me. It is rather uncomfortable, as for some reason there is a handlebar sticking out from the rear wall into my back. Not only that, but there are all these random people walking around and having loud conversations.

It's so scary here...so many strangers....so scary......2spooky4me....I'm gonna run away now.......goobai

  

2spooky4me

Define myself

Guess who's back? None other than me, De Fine Myself! The blog on that domain is horrible though, the poor coloring and font choices make it really difficult to read. But it's over 9 years old so it's in the past, let bygones be bygones.  "this xin is a flicking nazi" --videogamemunkey

Why am I speaking of this? Well, I decided to check up on Sunny Talks Alot, and she still hasn't talked alot, or in fact more than the original post made several months ago. 
But when I checked the profile, WHOA! There was a whole nother blog there, called Defining Myself! I eagerly checked it out. You can too, if you want: http://definingmyself92.blogspot.com/ 
Oh no posts, good job. I am shaking my head and tsking in approval.

I hope you weren't expecting me to define myself, because I don't feel like it. Why don't you define yourself instead? I bet it'd make a nice entry in your mom's dictionary.


 ....I didn't mean that as an insult. Curse those Freudian slippers. Let's pass around some butt rubs to alleviate the tension.

Butt rubs: Offering life in the left cheek, death in the right.

 Oh yeah, that's Epic Mafia. Mafia is a pretty cool guy, eh kills innocents and doesn't afraid of anything. It's a pretty troll game though, you should try it. Gotta practice those skills of deception on random strangers on the internet, which you can then use on the ones you love. Because you love them.

On that topic, if you suspected I was deceiving you all along, then you were right. But that deception stops right here, right now!
No longer will I hide behind these dark panels!
No longer will you have to, Deal With It!
No longer will THE TRUTH be hidden away from those that deserve it!
Its time for........THE GLASSES!! TO COME OFF!!

 YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAA- wait wrong show

Erm....I uh.... I'll uh...just be signing off now......

....



dammit hardison

The Mannequin

When I walk with old friends it always seems like they have all this stuff organized without me.
I feel like such an outsider sometimes, which is ironic because I spend most of my time indoors.
To solve this depressing issue, the logical conclusion would be for me to walk outside alone, in the dark. Then I would reach a state of true bliss.

 Or would I? I guess I'm too lazy to actually do that on a regular basis, not to mention I need sleep to get up early in the morning. Well, I hope this was an amusing moment for us all. Including people who walk alone at night.

...

[Insert Jeff Here]

bonechin undulator

"I like that" -- spanish guy

That new post button is just too enticing, it makes me want to press it like 50 times. But then the post list would be cluttered with all these blank drafts, which is just unappealing to me.

So I was walking along, and as this guy passed by me, he whispered "I like the way your hair waves man" Yeah that's right, even the guys want me. U jelly ladies? Probably not.

One of my "friends" re-shared(which is similar to re-heating leftover thanksgiving fruitcake) this acronym, I'm So Meta Even This Acronym (ISMETA). Hur hur hur, that's adorable. But way below my level. What's really meta is if we take a look at what I'm doing now, which is typing up a post for this blog, and I just finished typing that  "What's really meta is if we take a look at what I'm doing now, which is typing up a post for this blog, and I just finished typing that "What's really meta is if we take a lookg at what I'm doing now, which is typing up a post for this blog, and I just finsipoposidypASDIUVPOZCX UOAIWUOPIZXUFOQWU9UOVCXU9848097T98W798237979^*(&^*#(^%*(^D(^)(&*XV(*NC89V&098714fIODYff9auvoixcvjo7)(*&(%*&E*)(^(*CYU*)(ZD^0974-0387T-98097DVHLCVJLKYe8976074985&*(^E(*UGOSDNFOERJ*(DJV(*&*(#^P(!_#%)$++)E&%#*(&D(*DSV&N*()&#)Q%*&#&(&EBFDNS(*&Rmj0948:9848FEF3BFF1604E024DC9AD15B57FD75F15600A39$(*#69836*(#^dx061~~``">><xznbvc&#%oiU

Canned food OP

"I just realized u need a can opener to open the boyarde hope u can find one sorry" -- text massage

And that's the story of how I ended up walking around campus with a can of Chef Boyardee's Mini ABCs & 123s with meatballs, going door to door begging for a can opener. So much for getting a hot lunch every day. I suppose I shouldn't look at gift donkey in the throat though, it will still be good for later. Despite the fact that its clearly an afternoon snack for kindergarteners, and I won't be getting any younger.

28 hours later...

"CURSE YOU CHEF BOYARDEE!!!"
"WHY MUST IT BE SO DIFFICULT TO GET AT THE YUMMY GOODNESS INSIDE YOUR CANS?!?"
"Y U NO EASY OPEN LID!?!?" 
 *bawls away holding the can up in front of the pagan shrine*

nuclear proliferation is for noobs, real men drink tomato sauce

 So there you have it, my catharsis. I have bared my heart and soul to you. But if you are still left wanting, here's an inspirational doge picture.

Time to go mix ranch dressing and a honey ham sandwich into clam chowder. Pasta man ain't got nothing on me.

Noodle Pills

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. But today-" Nah, that saying is overrated and overused. Not to mention too composed and mature for this blog. Lets go with this instead:

When you're Russian for food, there's no time for Stalin.

I should really be more careful, I almost got killed by a TV yesterday. You know how murderous they can be. But if you don't, well, that's a story for another time.

You may have noticed a certain lilting tone, that I use quasi-satirical pseudo-random musings.
Such a signature style is indicative only one person, well known in the Peal Whirl.

That's right. I am none other than the two time Nobel laureate, the former Czar of the Style Invitational, the legendary Washington Post columnist himself, GENE WEINGARTEN!!!
I will give you a few moments for this revelation to sink in.

Wait no I need a do over

Okay, I lied. Weingarten doesn't have any Nobels.

Do you know that "early release from class" feeling Aimless guy speaks of? Because I don't. I have over 4 hours of free time between my commitments today, so there's no problem, no problem at all.
I intended to use this time to the fullest in crafting the glorious elitist gospel that comprises Baffleton's Chungerbus! (whoa first time I've ever referred to my blog by its new name) (whoa, not the first time I've made some irrelevant parenthetical self-referential remark) (whoa, too many of these things I'mma stop now)

And maybe play a few games of LoL too. And read some webcomics. And some articles on feminism. And then get really bored and actually do a little work. And maybe start a revolution on- oh crap I only have 20 minutes left. Unfortunately I can't really touch on all the stuff I wanted to touch right now(they're all appropriate so don't get any ideas) like the state of The Collection, but I can tell you that I am at an impasse with regards to the Leaguemans "project".

Eating an ice cream cone upside down on a bed is a horrible idea. But it worked for a few minutes.

Himbleshivs

Ugh, the desk I'm sitting at has "swag" written all over it. There's even a bunch of swag "equations". Writing on the desk wood is uncool folks, especially when swag is involved.
This was the only place I could find, because everyone wants their own personal study room. Anyway, I'll be back after these messages.  *elevator music starts*

 This week's delay has been brought to you by.....general laziness!

Reviving a perennial classic loved by breakfast enthusiasts all over the world, we are proud to announce that 1337 cereal is once again on the market! Grab a box at a hypermarket near you! Or far from you. Just don't get it from Amazon, you rich white pig.

 A few days ago I went to the bus stop, only to find a horde of people already gathered around the exact spot where the bus door was going to be. It was a wonder they weren't all spilling over the curb. Man, I get there 20 minutes early and still couldn't beat the crowd. Then I remembered, wait, I still could, just gotta grab a plastic paddle and aim for the center of mass!

While I was waiting there, I saw a guy walk over and do some sort of bro handshake with a friend. They had the following conversation:
"Hey man, you taking the bus too?"
"Yeah, we're all poor here."

What! Does that mean I'm poor?!?!?!? I'm gonna set the blender to "extra pulpy" if you know what I mean. Who are they to decide my socioeconomic status!? 
GGRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I knew I shouldn't have barbecued those carrots.

Top Web 30.5

When you're using a normal graphical web browser(for what else would you browse the web with, you think you're a pro who only needs Lynx to do everything? HUH?) you should always keep it maximized so it fills the whole screen. 
You know, to get the full and enriching experience the World Wide Web can provide. Especially this blog. 
In fact, you should maximize every program you use. There's no point in actually using that decades-old feature of multiple windows side by side. Those guys who say multitasking increases productivity are all liars, you only have 1 head so you can only do one thing at a time. Of course, if you're an ogre who was gifted with 2 heads at birth then I guess it might be okay to have 2 windows at once.
 Oh, speaking of ogres...(not like I arbitrarily steered the subject in that direction)

shrek is love, shrek is life

My legs have stopped aching, but now the left side of my tongue hurts. I don't remember biting it recently.

I should have posted this on Friday, but I was looking forward to this weekend to get some sleep. Were you looking forward to the weekend for say, FUN? Look no further than this:
http://funfunfunfunfunfunfunfun.com/

Praise be to widdershins

Today, I saw this commercial where people were moving around this giant white Q shape. I think it was advertising the new season of that show hosted by Oprah Winfrey, the one where they talk about stuff. I don't know about that, but seeing that giant Q made me want to make a duplicate of it, so they could be put together to form a QQ, which can be used for many purposes. That's what all those shows are about anyway, famous people QQ'ing about the news.

I find myself strolling through a well tended campus in peace once more, 'tis the occasion for song!

It's a beautiful morning, la la laaaaaaaa except it just turned 12:00 so it is no longer morning, but noon. QQ

I really wanted to fall asleep on a bench like last time, but there's just too many people around now to bum out. You never know who might want to troll someone sleeping out in the open *cough* http://iamsoaimless.blogspot.com/2013/08/move-in-day.html *cough*



I guess you could say that it's.............a bummer!

Don't you?

Oh, I'mma try something new: Providing you guys with "trigger warnings" before I say something that might be offensive, so you can not read and not be offended. But that's too bad for you, because you'll miss out on juicy tidbits. I am currently uncertain on what these tidbits are of, but I AM certain you will miss out on them.

                          Trigger warning: Humor at the expense of the cripple



My legs are tired. Also, I'm going to be lame and not reveal the next item of The Collection this week either. O ho ho, you had to read through my lame puns to find that out.

Don't forget to post random text in the comments section below.

Doooooruuuu

Today is a very meaningful, momentous day in my life.
Yep, you guessed it: It's the day that my head was twisted horribly out of shape by incompetent medical personnel, forcing me to live as a malformed wretch.

(What's that? You think it's him? Well......actually, it's Baelish. But he's still at the top of my list.)

I will show them what they deserve for such an affront upon....THE KING 

OOAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! MAH BOI
ugh, my eyes hurt....

The post title comes from this weird sound effect I heard often when I was playing some game, I think it was either Avernum or Stone Soup Dungeon Crawl. Most likely Avernum.
Sorry, I'm really exhausted from not sleeping last night and doing a ton of stuff this afternoon so that'll be all, folks.

"MERRY KWANZAAA!!!!!" --stickman

Jolly McFollies

I bet you've been eagerly awaiting the next installment of The Collection....
Well too bad, it won't be shown this week. See, I'm doing you a mercy by telling you this right now instead of at the end of this post so you wouldn't have to read through all my mindless drivel only to be disappointed. 

Correction: What I meant is, I'm doing you a favor, "mercy" doesn't really make sense in this context...OR DOES IT????

Is this the answer, or yet another question?

Now I'm worried that my posts are turning into just flavor text for the silly picture repost of the day. But that's fine, I'm sure even if it was like that, they would make fine Magic The Gathering cards! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooohh

credit to Ravenide

this doesn't deserve credit

none of that was very funny actually. :(

Catch 22

"Catch 22" is a phenomenon describing the extremely addicting(catchy) tune and lyrics of Taylor Swift's hit song, 22.......

You can't get it out of your head, but I know you want toooo
Everything will be all right, let's just keep prancin like- waaaait a minute

What if I don't wanna log in facebook? There's no button to close the dialog! Clicking outside the box does nothing! What kind of sick joke is this? 
YOU GOTTA LET ME OUTTA HERE FAGBOOK!!!! THIS IS DETAINMENT WITHOUT CHARGE!
LET MY PEOPLES GO!!!!

Ok, here's the moment you've been waiting for...the moment where I reveal the first item in....THE COLLECTION! 

BEHOLD...............THE STICK!!!

And, In an even- *cough* excuse me, In an even more shocking development, all the white question marks are gone. Uh. I guess that isn't a more shocking development, I didn't feel like putting them in this time. 

Well, tune in next time to find out if I'll reveal the second elusive item in the Collection! I bet you just can't wait, can you?

The Monkey

Hay guys what's going on in- OH LAWD

One life, one love. Summer is almost over, and Riot only reveals the summer skin set today. I guess I'm just relieved that a certain skin wasn't put on hiatus.

In my novel/comic writing quest, I've learned that showing the audience a set of hidden things or people that will be revealed piece by piece as the story progresses is a great device to create suspense and discussion. It's used by the webcomic Shotgun Shuffle as well as the more obscure Dungeons and Demacians 3rd Edition thread on the LoL forums by Captain Marvelous.

So without further ado, I present to you a set of my own devising....THE COLLECTION!!!

What sort of fabulous things could these black circles with question marks possibly hide? You'll just have to wait until next time to find out!

Wiffle biffle

I've been thinking about writing a personal journal of my ghetto life. A state funded autobiography for when I'm rich and famous so that people can read it and go "wow this guy had it tough". Kind of like this one:

A delightful children's novel filled with good clean fun. My favorite character is Fregley.

Except that, I don't really have it tough. I find that most of the major problems I have were created or exacerbated to the exalted rank of Major by myself.
You know what they say, "Enemy own your are worst you Chevrolet Escalon"

....

No, don't even think about it. I am not copy pasting this blog straight into a published hardcover.
Unless I was paid enough.....

August Disgust

Man, I haven't had much motivation to post this month. I guess I've gradually lumped blogging into the "boring work/chores to procrastinate on" category in my mind's eye. 

Have you experienced a great lack of motivation lately? Fear not, for I have a solution. 
 

Do not be alarmed. This is actually a depiction of what the solution will do to your worst enemy.

To do this, you will need:

• About 50 vials full of assorted prescription drugs, including caffeine pills, 5 hour energy, Advair, Viagra, Prevacid, and Tums.
• The complete season 5 of Stargate Universe
• Genuine hair from the nose of Lebron James

It shouldn't take too long to acquire these items. I'll wait.

Just kidding, time waits for no one. 
I'm not time but I certainly subscribe to the same philosophy.

Now that you have gathered these commodities around you, it's time for the physio portion of this exercise. Begin by hunching over and crooking your eyebrows. Take a deep breath and proceed to snort as if you were the fiercest animal(with a nose) that you can imagine. Continue snorting for 2 minutes. Do not stop halfway, no matter who is looking at you strangely.

For the finishing touch, we will use the popular slogan of a well known explosives manufacturer, "Jast Do it" by Spikey. Think about it exclaiming it as loudly as you can.
Think as long and hard as you want, because there's no such thing as being too prepared.

 Ready? Alright, let's go through it together....

JAASST DOOO EEET 

DOOO EEET

DOOO EEET

DOO EET

DOO EET 

Is that your final answer?

I lost July

It's been almost a month since you last heard from me. I would apologize, but this is not the first time I've taken a long unexplained hiatus, and it won't be the last. 
So I'm just going to tell you to man up. MAAAAAN UP.  What? I don't care if you're not a man! MAYNE up then!

dis mayne's pretty high already

I think and say addictive 'words' every day. I do the same ones often because they are addictive. Let's go through an example, and you're going to like it:

About 10 minutes ago, I made up "bumberos". I don't bother looking it up on search engines or dictionaries to see if its an actual word because I'm an independent, well read adult who don't need no validation from others. I give it an espanol*-esque pronunciation, "bomb - bear - ohsu". That makes it seem like it should have an O instead of a U, but I don't change it.

I immediately yell it out loud OHOOOOOOO BOMBBEEEEEEHHRRROOOOOSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

Then, I type it in chat to the first random buddy on my contacts list. You will typically get a response of "wuh?" or "wuzzat meen?" but occasionally your hapless victim conversational partner will be cool and jam with you. Don't go overboard though, it could end up like this:

friend: woburdee wansteeum
me:     haberdasher halloway
friend: zumba zilterskreaktesh
me:     avaricious angstromees
friend: lovable leeches
me:     sordid soirees
friend: crackernuckles custard

And that's how new words are born.

The workers of the world are probably pissed because I have the luxury and time to scrawl this drivel all over the web. Rightfully so too.

*As you may already know, 'espanol' is an aboriginal word in the Congolese dialect Bahasa meaning "chumpstick".

Lotto Buddies

This was the day that I was supposed to win that million dollar sweepstakes I entered into last month, but nobody showed up with my big check. What a shame, tsk tsk tsk....by the time I'm done with them they will beg for death....mhmm yes such a shame, really. All those bodies to clean up. Those little things I typed just now are all just funny looking, completely non-threatening dots I like to make so don't strain your eyes trying to read them. Look at this picture instead:

dat jesus

I randomly remembered this oft repeated rhyme from my childhood days:

I'm Popeye the sailor man

I live in a garbage can

I something something something

and blow up something

I'm Popeye the sailor man, toot toot!

Oh god, Popeye did the Boston marathon bombings! It's a conspiracy!
It's all coming together now.

• I said "oh god" and put up a picture of Jesus. Naturally religion is involved.
• OCR stands for Optical Character Recognition, which has black characters.
• It also stands for Original Chicken Recipe, made by the Colonel himself to bring glory to the name of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
• "Toot toot!" sounds like a bomb. A cop killer baby whistler bomb. Those are the worst. Take my word for it. Unless you didn't pay for it, then don't take it. 5 bucks a pop in case you were wondering.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN? you ask, not necessarily in all capital letters.

This is only the latest in a large scale retaliation of Popeye's Chicken and Biscuits on their main competitor, KFC for being gay and racially tolerant. Even worse, they are blessed with the divine providence of the Abrahamic deity himself. 
If we want to preserve any hope of defeating Grandma Popeye, everyone's gotta do their part to boycott Popeye's chicken. And renounce their religion.

Are you offended yet? If not, yo momma so fat she don't need the internet, she's already world wide.

Comic sans

By request of a trusted friend, I've been authorized to disclose a secret project that began last week. I am helping a skilled craftsman, known only by his codename, "The Cat", to create a comic of webs!

Don't know what that is? Well, it's kind of like this blog, except with more pictures and dumb looking people doing dumb looking things. Which is somehow...better? I guess we'll see if it takes off. Just FYI, I never look dumb or do things that look dumb. Ever.

This particular comic is going to be a......fantasy adventure genre ordeal. I hesitate to call it that because of the negative reputation associated with them. Just kidding there is no negative reputation, fantasy webcomics are just too commonplace in my opinion. 

Here's a sneak peek of one of the pages, a tiny sliver to torture you over what could possibly be depicted in the full page.

RUH ROH!

 Wait no that wasn't it. Here's the real one.

Who could it be, this animal that I did see? Can you help me solve, this mysteryyy?

That's all I can provide about it right now without revealing too much (too much being everything we have so far) 
I'm telling you about a comic without actually showing it, hence the title of this post, "sans" being Latin or whatever for without. It was not a reference to any typeface that may be universally despised, but you can imagine this post was written in it for "fun".

Oh man, I just thought of more Leaguemans.
"I never asked for this" -- Alex Benson, dehr  "Too bad" -- me
Without further ado, I present Mega Ezreal 8 names, part 3:
Aatrox = darkman
Pantheon = jumpman
Amumu = cryman
Taric = gayman/gemman
Shaco = clownman
Leona = sunman
Diana = moonman
Tryndamere = Rageman
Vi = punchman

I'm going to make a page for the League of Legends man nicknames for quick and easy reference after part 4. Expect it soon 8-)

First Milestone

What? What is this stone of miles? An ancient arcane artifact (always adding alliterative appeal and artistic aptitude aaall afternoon, ask about autographs anytime-UNOFFICIAL 17x COMBOOO) to measure miles? No, this is the 30th post I've published on this blog! I never thought I'd get this far before forgetting about it. I am so happy, I just want to sing:

bdoo bdoo bdoo bdooo
da da da da DAAAAN DAN da da da da DAAAAN DAN
We're no strangers to looove, you know the rules and so do I
Your heart's been missing but you're too shy to say it
We know the game and we're gonna play it, iiiiiii just wanna tell you how I'm feelin..
Gotta make you understand--

 never gonna give- never gonna give- never gonna give- (give up now)

I'd like to think that with each post I've made on this blog, my attitude has grown a year older and more mature. The joke's on you though, I was serious from day one...about not being serious. You Fartlord. You just did it again didn't you. Don't lie.

I was afraid I wouldn't have anything more interesting to relate to you other than yet another list of stupid League Champion nicknames(because you liked the last one so much) but today I actually did something interesting so I'll discuss that first. You're still getting the list though.

Today I went to this so called "amusement park" named Eddard Lightshield V of Andor.
Ah, now that doesn't help at all. How about 47 Beavers Settetania? No? 
Sorry, that's the best I can do for you. 

I don't know if I should call it an amusement park or theme park, 'amusement' to me has kind of lost its meaning, conveying more of a blaise, vaguely smiling mood due to the prolonged influence of a certain friend.
  
me: What do you think of my blog?
friend: It's amusing

[Disclaimer: This conversation didn't really happen]

My observations of 47 Beavers Settetania as it is this year:
1. All the employees are of a certain ethnic persuasion
2. Every time a ride was about to start, the attendant would wave a thumbs up sign around. I surmise this is a popularity gambit to coerce you to "like" the ride's facebook page.
3. At the end of the ride many attendants would violently slap your hand. I'm not sure how much further I can go into this without being racist, but this seems to be a common practice in the Western world. They call it a "high five", as it originated from a barbaric native ritual in which a quintet of individuals were publicly executed at the gallows.
4. Everything was overpriced. Basketball is supposed to be free.

Alright here's Mega Ezreal style names, part 2!

Cho'gath = eatman
Fiddlesticks = stickman
Darius = chopman
Garen = spinman
Maokai = treeman
Vladimir = bloodman
Rengar = huntman/catman
Brand = burnman
Jarvan IV = flagman
Kha'Zix = bugman