Keeping the ball rolling

"omg...they shoulda called assassin 'killer' " --retarded friend
  
In my previous post I covered some of the moving pictures of 2015, so if you missed that you can go catch up right now by clicking the link or scrolling a long way down.

oh god what the hell are these pratchett covers

Next up are the songs of 2015. Unfortunately I'm a pleb when it comes to music, so it's gonna be all mainstream pop songs, like nothing you won't see on billboard and in the tabloids and that crap. Deal with it. Also I'm going to be a bit more serious so consider this my apology* if you aren't thoroughly confusedovertaken with gutbusting laughter. No ratings this time because I fell off the wagon almost immediately last time. Rest assured, I wouldn't post something here if I didn't think you should at least give it the best you've got a shot.

Downtown Crunk - Mars Bar
"I'm going to get nightmares from this" --family member, upon watching the music video
Fifth Harmony did a cover on this, if you're into that sort of thing. I mean, you could get cooties just from thinking about those broads. Absolutely Disgusting. Certainly not suitable for this wholesome family blog. But yeah, this jam is like a blast from the past, straight from the 90s or whatever funky era. Yer a wizard, Bruno! (and mark. o hai mark)

100% Lean meat - Lazer Feet, Mou ikkai!
Yeah I don't know if this was actually released in 2015 but it's trending so whatever. It's catchy enough, with that sort of Arabian wailing. Was at the top of the charts for most pirated song at one point. Not that I would know of such things. Fun fact: The vocalist's handle means virgin in Norse.
Personally I think Pentatonix's cover is a vast improvement, so here it is.

River Lea - Dell Computers, Inc.
I'm sure if you follow music at all you're familiar with Adelly's "Heller, itsame!". Long story short, Big face woman is very talented at turning ostensibly mature adults into huge crybabies.
[serious mode]
The seventh song in the same album (25), the "River Lea" is not nearly as well known as its frontrunner, but I found it much more moving. Truly great artists are capable of making even the most mundane occurrences seem magical, and despite its misery filled metaphor this melody has a mesmerizing, mystical touch to it. I've not seen its like in any of Adele's other pieces. Unfortunately the original audio is not available on Youtube, so I cannot share its haunting beauty with you at this time. If you happen to find it, please let me know.
[/serious mode]
9 words starting with M in a single proper sentence, score.
Shinji's trapped in a Dirac Sea, a Dirac Sea, a Dirac Sea...

*I know it's years in advance

A duality of faunic consumption

Hehe boi. We out of order now.

I may tolerate the existence of dumblr now, but that doesn't mean I'll take after them in everything they do. There will be no reblogs or straight repostings, no sir, here at Baffleton's Chungerbus we are 100% OC, baby!

"There will be no reblogs or straight repostings, no sir, here at Baffleton's Chungerbus we are 100% OC, baby!" -- me

On that note, I've noticed quite a conflict in naming here. Is this blog called One Winged Baphomet or Baffleton's Chungerbus? 

Oh. Who cares, right? What an inane question to ask myself and my proud captive audience.

"I've been literally trolled" -- a friend, after seeing this

This textual fragment was sitting in the queue since I left this brogu last July. For the remainder of this post I'll discuss some of the pop kulture of 2015. First up, the movies!

Cage of Ultron: The Nick of Time demonstrates his truly expansive acting range in this tour de force of a film, in which he plays an entire ensemble of extraordinary gentleman all on his lonesome. You just can't miss his epic Face/Off against Doctor Daniel Jackson mark 1. I give it four stars.

"Some of these images are...questionable" --b0ss

Pant-Man: A mild manner accountant (played by Dave Chappelle) has trouble "getting it up", so he does what any normal man in his position would do: he asks a mad scientist to invent a super suit to continually inject enhancement drugs into his bloodstream. The stimulation leaves him constantly out of breath, hence the moniker. I give it five inches.

This is a real movie. Unfortunately.

The Hustler: In this remake of the classic 1970s film, Matt Damon plays the character of Eliot Spencer, a hitman with a dark and mysterious past. He dances a dangerous tango with the dark underworld of Tokyo, encountering hookers, gangsters, and....League of Legends. *shudder* I give it two starchips, so it doesn't get kicked out of Duelist Kingdom.

The Chobit - Do Androids have Wet Dreams?: Technically this was first released in December 2014 and stretched into 2015, but just wait til you see the next couple entriesit'ss awwright. Anyway, this 2 hour slogfest did not have enough Cumberbitch and definitely not enough EXTREME BARREL RIDING. In fact, there was no barrel riding at all. I rate it absolutely de-de-de-sgusting.

Void Conflict - Stay Woke fam: AHAHAHAHHA HE'S JUST AN EDGY EMO KID AHAHAHAHAHA DADE IS KILL!!
Seriously though, the weberintz is already oversaturated with reviews and comments on this overrated NES-era trash so I'll leave the majority of mine as an exercise to your imagination. The ending definitely delivered though. I remember watching that scene and thinking, "this is where I would end the movie if I wanted to kick the viewers' jimmies into maximum overrustle", and you know what? IT DID. Bravo Abrams

And of course, who could forget the one and only, THE PLANE SCENE, by Bravo Nolan?
As the great masterpiece of our time, it gets the highest possible score, 4U.
 
I'll be covering the music of 2015 in my next post, because just getting this far took way too long.


Hey, you know what's really cancerous now? Vine. It's like the outdated septic tank for "black twitter".

The meme machine

"Decided that my 2016 starts again on February 1st...January was a trial month" --loser

Surprise, bitch! Bet you thought you'd seen the last of me...

Yeah, it's been a wild and wonderful six months, a far cry from the lethargic, melancholy days of 2013. Snoozin', Cruisin', relaxing all cool, all shootin some ping pong outside of

CALM DOWN, DOKTOR PAVEL. NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR BEL AIR. THAT COMES LATER.

After much introspection, I've decided that tumblr isn't so bad. There are the pure art blogs where thankfully, nobody actually says anything. There's the cool people making original the content (donut steel!), like 70sscifiart, Kyle Honk, basic bitch, filthy frank, sungwon cho, medertaab, kaiku- uh not her.

Anyways, my life just keeps getting more and more legit. Although there are still times where I just sit in front of the craptop all day aimlessly wondering if there's anything I'm interested in doing, as the usual things just aren't doing it. Like earlier today. I probably should have written this post then, it would have been more exciting. And longer, if you know what I mean. Oh well.

There needs to be an animated series of KC Green's Gun Show. I mean stuff like this is just priceless.

I whistled for a plane and when it came near,
the license plate said "Bane?" and it had a mask in the mirror. 
Crashing with no survivors this plane was real pretty,
So I said to the pilot, "Yo homes to Gotham City!"

Dire Elephants

 "Winston, these people need convincing to support my campaign. Why don't you take a propagander at it?" -- me

haha, what a clever portmanteau. Propagander. hahahaha. It's funny. hahahahaha. I will keep laughing my genuine, soothing laugh. hahahahahahahahahahaha.

You know how some people have an obsessive compulsive disorder, and feel like they need to wash their hands too much? Well, I kinda have the opposite problem. Just think about that the next time you shake hands with someone. They could be me in disguise.

puppet fun

Hmm speaking of washing hands, I'd like to discuss a very important topic today: The pros and cons of automatic washroom faucets.
Now I'm sure you first world faggots have all encountered this nearly ubiquitous technology by now. You emerge from the bathroom stall after dropping a deuce, nervously anticipating having to wash you hands, when you see the faucet. 

Dafuq is this? Where are the handles? There's just this black rectangle...thing embedded in the base. Such weird, very strange.
Of course being the technocrat futurist I am, I for one welcome our new automatic faucet ogrelords. But for you anti-technology Butlerian fanatics, here's the lowdown, the down and dirty, the...actually, the sink is supposed to be where things get cleaner, so it's the highclean?

ProZ:

• No need to turn handles or other complicated machinery.
• You don't have to worry about getting dirt, soap or water on the handles, because there are none.
• Turns off automatically if no motion is detected, which saves water.

Cons:

• Water temperature cannot be manually adjusted. If you don't like the temperature it's currently at, sucks to your ass-mar.
• Most of the time the motion sensor sucks, and you end up having to wave your hands around in an arcane ritual. Not everyone can bend water.
• Can only be activated by sticking your hands in. If you're washing dishes or something, keeping the water flowing is very difficult and annoying.
• Can't be left on, so if you want to fill a bucket or bottle you gotta stand there to maintain THE RITUAL!!

 Also, robots probably can't use them. All in all, these are great for just washing hands but not for anything else that sinks are used for. In my opinion the technology is nascent, a word which here means "should never have been released to the general public", and the motion detection could use a lot of improvement.

Now, what you'd assume ( and what the manufacturers want you to think) is that the dark glassy panel is the motion sensor, that detects the movement of your hands and thus dispenses the water. But every time I use one of these, I hear this ominous clicking sound  behind me upon activation. Also, sometimes there's this red dot that blinks on the panel like HAL 9001. Obviously there is a deeper, more sinister purpose behind these devices...

of course weegee would be in on it

Hegoki Sea Archeans

"I get kind of irritated by people who flirt with me just cos I happen to play games and that I am female" 
"Oh man. Wanna go...grab some coffee?....TOGETHER??" --me

HE'S BACK LENTILS AND GERMS, HE'S BACK.

FELLAS!  SHAQ ATTACK!

PINK WARD! 

CHRONIC ARTHRITIS

TRUESHOT ICON REUSAGE

I am referring, of course, to F-
NYYYYYYYYYYYYARUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

For six long months these fields have lain fallow. 
A barren wasteland, devoid of substance, devoid of CULTURE, devoid of LIFE!! 
But now, armed with the divine gift of Myrial Clairvoyance, YOUR SAVIOR RETURNS!

You thought me gone, lost to the sands of time. Well I can tell you firsthand, the sand is an illusion! There is only the ruined bubbles of slain overfiends.
My bloggy reign continues with the wise lessons learned from the Pronouncement of Two Skies.

Now that we've gotten that overogre with, let's start things off with a review of that new summer blockbuster, that kinda came out before summer actually started but whatever. Here are my thoughts on Vindicators - Short-sold Interval of the Final Module:
 
"GOD LEFT ME UNFINISHED!!!" --Ultron 
"The most versatile substance on the planet, and what do they make with it? A frisbee." --Ryan 'Morello' Scott
"There was only one thing missing from Black Widow's life - love."  --James Raynor

"It's all ogre now" --Shrek

Also I probably said this before but on the off chance you nooblords actually remember that stupid crap, The Collection and Leaguemans series will be discontinued until further notice. Which will probably be the next time I remember to tell you that its NEVVA GONNA HAPPEN. ayy lmao

Much has changed in the intervening months. But rest assured, there's one universal constant you can always rely on: WAAGH!

Beszel Angolul?

"lol five nights at freddy's isn't scary at all" --a lying man 

Wow. Neodusk actually did it. I joked in a previous post a while back about a Frozen parody based on Avatar, but he went the full nine monties. 

Hi here it is click me

On another note the closing scene of the latest episode is heavily reminiscent of the assault on Hometree in James Cameron's movie. 

On yet another note, I took screencaps a couple weeks ago containing undeniable evidence of the Dai Li clearly using metal contraptions. If they were indeed bending them, they would supplant Toph as the first metalbenders. These pictures were all obtained via perfectly legitimate means which I will not disclose.

[conspiracy intensifies]

Well that's all for the next few weeks folks, NaNoWriMo is still in full swing.

Wendigos Assemble

National Novel Writing Month is in full swing, so I should really be writing my novel, "The Truest Treasure" instead of doing this blog post. Then again, nearly every single time I write one of these posts, it's when I'm supposed to be doing something else, be it homework, going to lecture, or doing something productive with my life.
 

don't you wish you were this pro

tumblr isn't so bad actually. there's some legit blags, like 70sscifiart. But I'll still never use it myself.

time is wasting

"Are you the manager of this blog? Then you suck!" --everyone

It's close to 9 in the morning as I write this, and I am just dying to know why the door to the women's restroom is pinned open. The lights are flickering, a sure sign that it's a Matrix-style demonic possession trap. I'm running on battery despite the fact that there is a suitable power port not more than 5 feet away. 

So yeah, long time no see huh. You know that feeling you get sometimes, when you should really be doing some kinda work right now, but instead you feel like starting up another update post on that old blag you completely forgot about more than half a year ago? That's how I felt yesterday as I went through my afternoon ablutions, then decided to put off procrastination until now.

*8 minutes until imminent doom.*

What a pro, right. Just kidding, procrastinating on procrastinating is the exact opposite of being pro. Anyway, just wanted to let my non-existent audience know I'm still alive. Unfortunately I'm too lazy to post some funny picture to make this post worth your time. 

Uh. Flying cheeseburgers. Terrible.

*4 minutes until imminent doom.*

I really need to get more sleep. kthxbai

boonga boonga

How about both?

Do you enjoy combining things, just for the sake of combining, like mixing ketchup with mustard, milk with orange juice, ketchup with ice cream sandwiches? Then you've come to the right place! With this guide, I will show you how to achieve combinatorial bliss in 3, count 'em, three easy steps!

Step 1: Pick Two
Imagine two things that you really like. The more different they are, the better. Acquire them in their physical form, if possible. If not, that's okay, this is primarily a mental exercise. Visualize each object in your mind. In this example, I will select Chex Mix and Shrek.

straight from the shadynormal plastic bag

"Wow...It tastes like...Chex Mix!" --friend, while trying out my samples
"What?! No, that's not what I laced it w- never mind." -- me

Step 2: Expand Vocabulary
Now, create a new word using letters from the names of the two things. Try to retain one or two of the syllables from the old names. This word will describe the end result of the fusion. I'll combine Chex and Shrek to create "Shrex".

Step 3: Let Google do the work
This is the most controversial step, so be warned. On your web browser(which you are presumably reading this blog from, unless you are some professional procrastinator), open up your favorite search engine, and go to the image search. You see, search engines possess the magic that will transform your dream of combos into a reality. This is where your newly crafted word(s) come into play. All you have to do is type it in the box and go, like thus:

So for my example, I will look for pictures of...wait...uh...this doesn't seem like such a good idea all of a sudden...I'm not sure why, but I get a really bad feeling from this.
Hold on, I'mma squash this spider. Whomp. Squish. Hah. Now...
What to do, what to do....you know what, I won't let something silly like feelings stop me from getting what I want. I'm gonna DOO EET, I'm gonna click that button and-

April Anniversary

You may be wondering why I didn't post yesterday despite it being April already. That's because yesterday was April Fool's Day, and I know that you would all have expected some gigantic super special awesome hilarious joke if I posted that day. The pressure was simply too much for me to handle. That and the fact that this whole blog is just one big joke. 

April 2nd also happens to be the day that I made the very first post on this blog, exactly 1 year ago in 2013. "Time flies", right? Wrong, every single day I went through since then has seemed like a grueling eternity of drudgery and torment. And it will be the same for next year too. Anyway, I will be celebrating the 1 year anniversary by giving you ever so slightly more insight into my creative process.

You may be wondering what kind of extraordinary man it takes to create such a great blog like this. I can tell you that it took years of training, typing lessons, pun dueling, and other contests of wit just to get to this level of stupidity. While I cannot show you what I look like during the creative process, I can give you a glimpse of another Master at work:

Watch as he deftly carves pointlessness from a block of literary cheesecake that would in any other case be very funny. His haphazard, pluripotent style is so moving, it drives me almost to tears.

There was a big white poster board stand outside today, where people were asked to write in a term to fill in the blank in the statement "I am _____ and proud". I suppose they were trying to promote animal marriage rights or something but that statement is just too vague. There are lots of things you can do and be proud of that I doubt they would endorse. I mean you can basically write stuff like:
"I am chauvinist and proud."
"I am a murderer and proud."
"I am a rapist and proud." 
"I am pedophile and proud."
"I am a coffee drinker and proud." 
"I am Belieber and proud."
                                          -- not me
Or maybe they would endorse it. Let's go find out.