Dire Elephants

 "Winston, these people need convincing to support my campaign. Why don't you take a propagander at it?" -- me

haha, what a clever portmanteau. Propagander. hahahaha. It's funny. hahahahaha. I will keep laughing my genuine, soothing laugh. hahahahahahahahahahaha.

You know how some people have an obsessive compulsive disorder, and feel like they need to wash their hands too much? Well, I kinda have the opposite problem. Just think about that the next time you shake hands with someone. They could be me in disguise.

puppet fun

Hmm speaking of washing hands, I'd like to discuss a very important topic today: The pros and cons of automatic washroom faucets.
Now I'm sure you first world faggots have all encountered this nearly ubiquitous technology by now. You emerge from the bathroom stall after dropping a deuce, nervously anticipating having to wash you hands, when you see the faucet. 

Dafuq is this? Where are the handles? There's just this black rectangle...thing embedded in the base. Such weird, very strange.
Of course being the technocrat futurist I am, I for one welcome our new automatic faucet ogrelords. But for you anti-technology Butlerian fanatics, here's the lowdown, the down and dirty, the...actually, the sink is supposed to be where things get cleaner, so it's the highclean?

ProZ:

• No need to turn handles or other complicated machinery.
• You don't have to worry about getting dirt, soap or water on the handles, because there are none.
• Turns off automatically if no motion is detected, which saves water.

Cons:

• Water temperature cannot be manually adjusted. If you don't like the temperature it's currently at, sucks to your ass-mar.
• Most of the time the motion sensor sucks, and you end up having to wave your hands around in an arcane ritual. Not everyone can bend water.
• Can only be activated by sticking your hands in. If you're washing dishes or something, keeping the water flowing is very difficult and annoying.
• Can't be left on, so if you want to fill a bucket or bottle you gotta stand there to maintain THE RITUAL!!

 Also, robots probably can't use them. All in all, these are great for just washing hands but not for anything else that sinks are used for. In my opinion the technology is nascent, a word which here means "should never have been released to the general public", and the motion detection could use a lot of improvement.

Now, what you'd assume ( and what the manufacturers want you to think) is that the dark glassy panel is the motion sensor, that detects the movement of your hands and thus dispenses the water. But every time I use one of these, I hear this ominous clicking sound  behind me upon activation. Also, sometimes there's this red dot that blinks on the panel like HAL 9001. Obviously there is a deeper, more sinister purpose behind these devices...

of course weegee would be in on it