So now that we have that established, I would like to relate a tale of ancient days, of weeks long past, months spirited away. The time I speak of was a few weeks ago to be precise. Wait that's not precise at all. Whatever.
I had purchased a box of toaster pastries and a jar of mild chunky salsa from the supermarket, and WAIT WAIT WAIT. Did I say what I was going to do with them? No, so stop judging me. Moving on.
When my father discovered this he asked me, "Are you crazy?"
There was only one possible response to this, that of another question:
"Are you serious?" (said by the Kidder in the film The obscure nobleman directed by Christopher Dolan)
He just sighed, or at least that's what it sounded like. I bet he was thinking "Son I am disappoint" in his mind.*
I then realized that the subject of talking with family members about salsa was familiar to me. Where had I heard of it before?
I remember now. It was when the Ace Detective Sammy Keyes was arguing with her grandmother over what to eat for dinner. It went a little like this -
Sammy: oh man, I made some Mac' n Cheese. It's so duh good. Eat it. now.
Grandma: no mac n cheese is unhealthy dude, clogs your arteries. you gotta eat duh vegetables instead.
Sammy: don't worry it was actually Mac' n SALSA the whole time
Grandma: but but salsa isn't a vegetable
Sammy: Dat's right, its vegetableS! (note the S indicating plural)
Grandma: FUUUUUUUUU
(Disclaimer: It didn't really go like that at all. Read the books.)
*Maybe the phrase "in his mind" was redundant but I had to specify so you don't get confused and get the idea that he thinks in his toes or something. Nobody thinks in their toes. If you think you do I suggest you think again, and do it in your mind this time you pervert.
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